The Crew

Untitled Part 31

Chapter Thirty-One

I did a U-turn on Del Norte and zipped down the street like D.D and Bear had done so many times before. I knew a secret spot by some trees in the field off Foothill Road, half a mile from campus. That was where I'd go.

It was weird, driving myself on the familiar road Bear had brutally pumped us through endless mornings heading to class. No cars raced; it was empty. I found the spot and slowly, carefully careened over the sidewalk and onto the field. In a minute I was behind the trees, safe. It'd be sketchy in the morning but I'd have to take that risk. Snatching my leather jacket and a blanket I'd brought, I adjusted the seat as far back as it could go, wrapped the blanket around me tight, and closed my eyes.

I woke very early, with a start, my eyes blasting open, head rising like a shotgun. I heard cars swishing back and forth on Foothill. I checked the clock: it was just before 6:00 A.M. I'd be back at 3:00. I knew a good coffee shop in town. Yawning, stretching, trying to wake up, I flipped the ignition, half terrified it wouldn't start. But it did.

Sliding into the parking lot behind "Full of Beans," I was relieved to see that it was both open and empty. There was a public payphone next to the entrance. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to call her, confess. I couldn't go on like this, trying to blot out everything that'd happened. I needed to speak to her, hear her voice, that familiar tenor, the voice that somehow took all the insecurity and frustration in life and made it alright.

But what about her tirade about secrets? What about her warnings to never hurt her, never double-cross her? What about...

I cut myself off. I had to face this. Face the abyss, Jack. If she really loved me, she'd understand. She'd forgive. Nothing happened. Not really. Nothing major. A kiss. Ok, a long, deep kiss, like the one Sarah and I had shared in her house that early morning after the Ventura Theatre show, after we'd had sex. I envisioned the blue Trojan condom sliding over my dick.

We were running away together, leaving everything behind. Surely one kiss wouldn't jeopardize all that. Impossible.

I hadn't seen her since the night before Beach Fest when we'd been separated by the force of Cannonball. Goddamn it. She came to me. That was the way it'd happened and there was nothing anybody could do to change that. I walked over to the pay phone and fumbled around in my pocket for change. As I was about to call Sarah, I realized the time. She might still be asleep. But something pushed me to call, some deep intuition I hadn't known before, egging me on, propelling me to punch the digits.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Jack...is that you?"

"Yes, it's me. I didn't think I'd actually catch you. It's early."

"I don't feel all that good, Jack."

"Oh."

"I know everything. Everything. All of it. Sophia told me. She called me to 'talk' and I knew something was wrong. I kept pressuring her, giving her hell until she gave in and told me the whole damn tale."

"Man. Sarah, you need to hear my—"

"Save it, Jack. Save the whole stupid explanation. I'm sure it might work on some other girl, or whatever, but it won't work on me. Not now, not ever, okay? You hear me?"

"Yeah, I hear you babe, but hold on for a second. Can I try to explain—"

"No Jack. Don't call here again. Don't call me again. Ever. I told you that night, remember? I told you to never, ever double-cross me. Now look what you've done Jack Donnigan, you bastard!" She paused, her voice becoming emotional. "I can't believe you had sex with Sophia. You pushed the limit of my forgiveness, Jack. I thought I was in love with you. You really are just a—"

"Wait Sarah! Hold on! I didn't sleep with ANYBODY! I need to tell you what really—"

"Oh Jack. And you're a liar too. I got my lesson early with men. Or should I say boys. Goodbye Jack Donnigan...Dog."

Like that, in an instant, she was gone. The world, my world, came crashing down, boulders cascading into the wide open abyss that seemed to be my life. I had faced the abyss and the abyss had grown claws, fangs, ripping my soul to shreds. My hands shook, withering nerves fraying to the max. I couldn't lose Sarah. I wouldn't let it happen. Cannon be damned. No, I needed him, too. But he was already gone. Right? It was confusing. My insides felt like liquid mush. My stomach reeled and I bent over, dry heaving. I wanted to crawl into the fetal position, go under some basement, extinguish myself. I wanted to die. Scrounging around in my pocket for more change, I slid the silver pieces into the slot. The phone rang and rang and rang. No one picked up.

I thought about calling Bear. I'd shared secrets with him; maybe he would have some advice. I thought about calling D.D. or even Cannonball. But I knew it was pointless. I knew what their reactions would be. I knew Sophia was angry; I'd witnessed the look in her eyes after my rejection. But I couldn't believe she'd stabbed me this way, with this woman. But she had. She'd even counseled me on what to do, telling me to forget Cannon. Telling me to follow my heart. What a bitch. It was cruel. It was brutal.

It was over.

Had Cannon told her to do it? He'd left, along with Bear and D.D. After that, Sophia had shown up. She'd counseled me on Sarah. She'd lured me into her corner, turning me on with her sexual energy. Then she'd tried to go all the way.

Had it all been orchestrated? Had that been the real reason why Sarah and Laura had been commanded to stay away? Was Cannon that evil?

I swallowed hard, fighting my emotions, and went into the coffee house.