Always? Forever.

Please God (Killua's version)

        Everything hurt. Not just physically. I'm so emotionally wrecked. But I have to get back up. I have to kill my attackers. These two ants have to go. My plan will work. In the split second that I had to snap the swordfish dart I sent electricity into my fingers. Ok, I'm so close. I just need to hang on.

     The two ants appeared out of nowhere and began talking. Their conversation was lost on me the second their heads fell to the floor. But so did I. Why can't I do anything? Why won't my body move. I need to move.

     "Killua!"

  Y/n? What is she doing here? Am I dead?       "Killua! Oh my god what happened?" Y/n dropped to her knees where I lay face down. Her face was so scared. This is the most emotion I've seen from her since the beach with Kite's group. I miss her. I miss her so much. She flipped me onto my side so that I looked up at her. Her eyes welled up with tears. I could practically hear her soul shattering. "Killua I'm here! Everything is gonna be ok." I couldn't stop the tears. His eyes were so lifeless. "Y/n.. I'm sorry." I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend, boyfriend, person. I'm so sorry for the pain I've caused you.

    "Killua! Hey hang on I got you. Everything will be alright. Don't be sorry." Y/n cried out and slipped her arms under my armpits. I huffed and felt my body going cold. Why am I so cold? God, there's so much blood everywhere. Is that mine? Y/n stumbled and dropped me. I'm so useless. I can't even help her. I just coughed up blood. So did she. I couldn't help but well up in tears. I'm going to die having failed her. I'm so pathetic. Why did I stop loving her? When did I stop loving her. I'm so horrible. She hacked up a huge chunk of flesh but still tried. "Killua please hold on! I'll call for help."

     "Fuck! It's dead." Y/n cried out and tossed her phone to the floor. I just watched her. Well, as best as I could. My vision was starting to get splotchy. I'm going to die. I don't want to die. I want to fall back in love with Y/n. I want to get old one day with her. I want to make more memories. I want to make her proud and happy. I want to make her feel loved. I don't want her to be sick anymore. I just want a better life.

"Killua please.. please. Keep your eyes open."

I can't feel anything anymore. I can only see. What's left of my vision is almost gone though. There's a ringing in my ears. Everything that Y/n says gets higher in pitch. I'm terrified. But at the same time I feel sorta, better. I'm not hurting anymore. I just kinda, don't feel anything. Only regret. I let Gon down and I ruined Y/n.

   "Killua don't die. Please!" Y/n begged and squeezed my hands. He sobs rang in my ears and my heart clenched I more than one way. I don't want to die. I'm so scared. What's going to happen? Gon will lose it completely and Y/n will spiral so far into despair. If her sickness doesn't kill her, sadness will. She might even consider offing herself. I don't want that. I want her to be happy.

I saw Ikalgo show up behind Y/n with a worried expression on his face. What's he doing? I swear if her tries to hurt Y/n I'll find a way to get up and protect her. "Get away!" She screamed and sobbed louder. Y/n knelt in front of me with her arms outstretched and dry heaving. Blood poured from every hole in her face.

Ikalgo's tentacle slithered over and wrapped around my wrist. I'm so confused. My mind is foggy and I can barely think. The only thing the repeats in my mind is her name. Y/n. "No! Don't touch him!" She croaked out and walked him away. She grabbed my body and pulled me close to her, cupping my face. Her clothes quickly became a dark red, soaked with my blood. God, I'm so weak.

"Wait! I want to help."

Y/n looks from me to him and nods almost instantly. I can't feel my body. My eyes are heavy and my ears are ringing. I'm terrified of death. But I'm even more scared for her. What will happen if I'm not there to help. But I'm also glad. Better me than her.

I'm so close to just letting go. I want to succumb to the death that pulls on my soul. But another part of me wants to live. I've never prayed in my life. I don't believe in god. But if there is one, please, please, please, take care of her.

    For some reason, when I closed my eyes all I could think about was the fourth phase of the Hunters exam. Y/n told me I was the moon and Gon was the sun. She had no clue where she sat on that spectrum. We had decided that would be her life's goal. Figure out who she was. I think I've figured it out though. She is the universe. My universe.

     I remember the tree we carved our names into.  Back then, it was so easy to promise each other the world. If I could go back as my current self I would savor every second. We said forever but now look at us.

     Then there was our first kiss in the airport, it was amazing. I remembered the warmth of her lips and the comforting feeling. Like I was home.

     There was the time when I thought I'd lost Y/n for good. Chrollo and her father had kidnapped her and I sobbed for days. Even when I was around people I couldn't keep it together. I was so scared. I was scared that I would lose her. Now, I'm still scared of losing her. But I'm more scared of not being there for her.

     I opened my eyes to a bright light glaring in my eyes. It soon faded out into a white ceiling. What? I looked around to see Ikalgo sitting on a chair next to me. His face soon grew into a smile. I held my head in a bit of pain. Where the hell am I? A hospital? "Where is she?" I asked and he opened his mouth to answer. Almost perfectly time the door swung open and Y/n walked in carrying a small tray of food. Her eyes were swollen and there was an everlasting trickle of blood from her nose. She looked like she had been crying. She looked wreaked but at the same time, ethereal. She looked up from the floor and we made eye contact. The next thing I knew she'd fallen to her knees sobbing.

"I'm so sorry Killua. I'm sorry!"