Sweet Babe

Chapter 14

Namtan Pov
"They are really beautiful."
She's beautiful and she's the star I've been looking at every night and the one I always draw in my latest paintings. She's the one I've thought about in all those shit situations when everyone was about to die... it's her I thought about. I hold her hand and I know it's probably going to be the last time I do it because... I can't let this happen, she can't be with me and she knows that. I'll just ruin your life Film, I'm sorry.
She gets so close that I can feel her hot breath on my lips "I think I should go upstairs" I try to get up and leave but she drags me back and kisses me straight on the lips. I close my eyes for a moment but then quickly push her away "what the hell are you doing?" Her expression changes at my words and she slightly backs off "What do you mean? I thought you..."
I move away from her "Well you thought wrong. You're here to be my bodyguard not to do this!" I get up as I'm holding all to whatever the hell is in me right now that's keeping me from running back to her and kissing her again. I can't put her in danger like this, I know she'll live a better life without me. "Why are you doing this?!" She talks at me as she gets up and grabs my arm making me turn around to face her. "I'm not doing anything." I look down at my shoes as I'm not able to look into her eyes or I know I'll stay crying. "You love me like i love you and you know that! Why are you running away from me?! What did I do so wrong for you to push me away like this?!" She screams at me as she cries and holds on to my wrist tightly. It hurts me so much but I know it's for the best. She changed my life in so many ways and made it better even if we didn't spend a lot of time together I saw in her what I didn't see in a million of woman on this earth. "Answer me!" She cups my cheeks and makes me look into her eyes.
"You're just a child. You don't know what you want in life." I'm so sorry, I love you.
"What? If that's the problem- then it's not true! I know what I want. I want you, isn't that enough for you? I want to be with you!"
I look at her beautiful face and the more I see her crying the more I think that I was the reason for her tears in the past months and I'm glad to know this is the last time she's crying because of me. "You're not worthy of me, no one is."
my voice is shaking and I think I'll break down soon... please don't make me hurt you again... just leave please... I'm so sorry...
"How can you say that?! I a was the one who loved you even if you gave me a thousand reasons not to! You almost killed my fucking sister and got me in this damn situation but- but I still love you dammit!"
I take her hands and place them away from my cheeks.
"That's the reason this can't happen. It's not normal for you to be with someone like me, someone who destroyed your life." I quickly turn around and a low of tears start dropping down my cheeks. I hope she'll find her happiness with a woman that can actually protect her and take care of her... not with someone like me...
She deserves the best and I'm the worst this world could give her. "Don't leave me!" She hugs me from behind and I try to push her away but I feel like I have no power left in me, my hands are shaking and i can't  even see from how much I'm crying. "I know what you did I'm not stupid. That wasn't what hurt me the most... what's hiring me the most right now is that you're not fighting to keep me." I think my heart just shattered into little peaces at her words. I push her away and run upstairs, where I see my brother Non "Nam... come here" i hug him tightly and let go, I just cry it all out until I can't shed one more tear.

"Why did you do that? Why would you hurt her like that? But most importantly why would you do that to yourself?" Nanon asks me as he sits on the bed next to me and Milk.
"You know why."
Milk turns on the side to face me before speaking:
"No I don't know why. Me and Non are in the same situation, but did we broke up with our partners? No, because that's not the solution. You guys should talk it out."
"It's not that easy guys. We weren't even together and she's so young... I feel like I'm violating her."
Nanon clearly judged me just with a look "Violating- what?!" He gets closer to me "Don't forget that Ohm is also just eighteen and I don't think I violated him. And neither did you, she's legally allowed to me with you AND she's in love with you, what more do you want?"
"You guys don't understand."
"Yes we do" they say at the same time.
"Do you think this is easy? You have to fight for her especially now, in the situation we're in. I know it all seems chill and calm but they could come after us anytime and being distant won't be good for anyone."
Milk says.
"I was thinking about sending the back home... her and Ohm."
"What? Why Ohm too? He's okay with being here with me." Non reassures me but I don't care about what he says. They are both going home and end of story,
Children can't be exposed to stuff like this.
"I don't care. He's going home with Film or she'll be worried about him."
Non gets up "So? He's not a puppet that exists just for your little Film girl. He doesn't want to leave so he won't. You can't always control everything."
He leaves the room and Milk goes after him but he shuts the door in her face. "This little homo is really something." She says a bit annoyed and then sits back on the bed next to me. "But he's right, you can't do that."
"Why not-"
"Are you hearing yourself? It's dangerous for them to leave now and you know we can't move from here or we'll be fucked. This house is away from the city so it's the only place we can stay in and you know damn well that they both don't wanna leave." They think life is so easy? Ohm and Love are not like Film... she's fragile and could break at any time. Even if she tries to act though I can see trough her.
"I was like you when I first met Love, that's why we told you about us just four years later."