I saw my daughter shed tears after I told the story of me and her father. After all these years she deserved to know who her father was and how she was conceived. Although of the circumstances, but it was out of love and love alone. What we did is what we had to do. No regrets. Lucas and I did not marry, but I consider him my husband. Ever since him, I've never been with any other man in my life. His love is still driving me crazy to this day. We loved with a love that was more than love.
"Mum, I always thought you were hiding dad because he did terrible things to you, little did I know that it's because you loved him so much. The hatred I had for him is long gone," she said. "I love my dad. It's sad that I never met him, but he'll always be my hero," she said and I hugged her."Give me that small box..." my finger went up at the upper closet. She climbed off the bed and went to take a small box and brought it to me. I opened inside and took out a small wrapped metal and handed it to her. "This is the ring your dad gave me, and now I'm giving it to you. This ring will help you find your true love.""Thank you, mother," she said admiring the ring."Don't ever forget to be nice and kind to people. We are all fighting things we don't say even to ourselves, we are all running from our own demons, so be gentle, be kind because one good word from you could change someone's mood and the opposite is true. Live a good trace in someone's heart, you might be their savior. A stranger was once kind to me and he became my soul mate," I paused. "Now tell me, do you have a boyfriend?""No, I don't have one. I don't need a man in my life until I'm well educated. Men are a distraction," she said."That's good, my baby, very good. I want you to always be happy my baby. I want you to know that your happiness comes first. Break your heart no longer. Each time you judge yourself you break your own heart. You stop feeding on the love, which is the wellspring of your vitality. The time has come, your time to live, to celebrate and to see the goodness that you are. Let no one, no thing, no idea or ideal obstruct you. If one comes, even in the name of 'truth', forgive it for its unknowing. Do no fight. Let go. And breathe – into goodness that you are."I've realized that it doesn't matter what we do; what we do makes no difference. A decision for something is a decision against something else. Every decision or choice we make, it comes with its consequences. There's no balance. Move to the left, and you create right. Move up, you create down. Cling to the so-called 'good', and evil appears. Therefore, live solely from the center. Stay in the center, and you will be ready to move in any direction.It took me a long time to realize that you can do everything right and still end up unhappy. You can say all of the right things, do exactly as you are told, follow in the footsteps of all the people who swore by their success and their strategy surrounding it, and you can still end up displaced – why? Because you didn't ever choose to simply listen to yourself. The best thing I ever did for myself was listen to what I actually wanted. I drowned out the guidelines, the advice, and the 'shoulds'. And I messed up. I made mistakes that I'll never forget. I hurt people I loved and I got hurt. Right now I want to grow on my own terms. I want to figure out what my own personal version of happiness looks like. I want to carve out my own path, not that of others. I want to become the person I've always wanted to be, rather than the person I was told to be. I figured life is about making yourself proud on your own terms. It's about finding a happiness that works for you. That's my story. That's the love I shared with Lucas, the father of my daughter. I've left nothing. What I've shared with you share with your neighbor. Let everyone know of the love I once had.
THE END.
