"So that was a thing" said Shayan, as they drove down the main road. Passing many cars along the way.
"Yeah..." replied Avan, as Shayan brought the moped to a stop - in accordance with the upcoming red light.
"I still can't believe you MET that thing when you were younger".
"I can't believe her name is Kimberly Malkovich..." replied Avan.
"Yeah, that's...unexpected to say the least..." said Shayan, as he added "I mean, what kind of name is Kimberly Malkovich anyway?"
"Not what I'd expect from a mutated potato".
"You can say that again" said Shayan.
"I'm not gonna say that again".
"You can't ever humor me can you?" replied Shayan, as the red light turned green and the two were off.
"Whatever, anyways what exactly was your plan? You said you had a plan right?"
"That WAS my plan" answered Shayan.
"What was?"
"Driving my moped into the mutated potato!"
"That was your plan?" asked a dumbfounded Avan.
"Yes!"
"I thought you had a better plan!"
"It's a mutated potato Avan?! What'd you expect?"
"You're smart! I figured you had a handle on things".
"Well, thank you for thinking that but I didn't!" exclaimed Shayan, as they drove past a couple cars. Before swerving around a curve, as Avan clung to his best friend like a cat afraid of heights stuck to a tree.
"Jeez, could we at least get off the road? I'm beginning to fear for the safety of my melon" said Avan, as Shayan nodded.
"Your melon's safety has been acknowledged" replied Shayan, as he pulled off the road and into a nearby strip of buildings.
Rolling into an empty parking space, and putting down the brake. Shayan cut the engine, before hopping off.
"Alright, we're off the road" said the scientist, as Avan hopped off as well.
Taking a quick look around, Avan saw that they had arrived at a Tim Hortons.
A coffee shop staple of Canada.
"You know, after everything that's happened so far. I could go for some tea" said Avan.
"So can I, shall we?" asked Shayan, as he pointed to the modest Tim Hortons.
"We shall" replied Avan, as they entered the cafe together.
***
The Tim Hortons was pretty sparse, which made sense given the time of day. Making the line at the cashier virtually non-existent.
Shayan ordered a medium earl gray double-double, while Avan ordered a medium orange pekoe with a similar configuration. Which they enjoyed while seated beside a window.
Shayan hoped that the caffeine, and sugar would give his brain some much needed energy to come up with a plan of some kind. All while Avan let the Xanthine's in the tea wash away all the strangeness that he had experienced - and bury that one memory into the deepest depths of his cranium.
Having gulped down a good amount of tea, Shayan pulled out his phone and did what he did best.
Research.
Looking up from his beverage, Avan saw that his friends head was buried in his phone.
'That's just like him' thought Mehran, as he took a sip from his tea.
Catching a glimpse of the news broadcast that played on the nearby television.
"This just in. A mutated potato calling herself Kimberly Malkovich is going around terrorizing the elderly. Law enforcement officials are urging anyone above the age of 60 to lock their doors and remain inside. As per what they're going to do about the situation, the only thing the police chief had said was that they were on it" spoke the news anchor, as some people watched.
"A statement that'd been openly criticized on many social medial platforms".
"Gee, I wonder why..." thought Avan with a sarcastic sentiment, as he sipped some more of his tea.
"Avan" said Shayan, as he looked at his friend with a hopeful glimmer in hsi eye.
"Figured out a plan?"
"Oh yeah" replied Shayan, as he displayed the contents of his phone to Avan.
It was an article published on some fringe conspiracy forum board - looking like something straight out of the hay day of Netscape and America Online.
The article talked about how to exterminate mutated entities, citing some old declassified document by the department of defense. A purely hypothetical question, of which the apparent answer was...
...a holy potato peeler.
Avan furrowed a brow, and said "really?"
"It sounds stupid but-"
"That's it. That's al there is to say, and nothing more. It sounds stupid. Period" replied Avan.
"And besides, where are we gonna get a holy potato peeler in the first place?" questioned Avan rhetorically, as Shayan tapped the screen of his phone a couple of times before shoving it in his face.
This time Avan was met with a craigslist listing for an authentic holy potato peeler that someone was willing to give away for free.
"You're not serious..."
"I already said I'd take it" said Shayan, as Avan smacked his forehead with the palm of his right hand.
"This is dumb..." muttered Avan, as Shayan buried himself in his phone once more.
"OH, and its in London so we're going on a little trip" said Shayan, as Avan's hand slipped off his face and onto the hard surface of the table.
"London, Ontario?" he asked with a bit of hope.
"London, England - Greenwich specifically" answered Shayan, crushing his friend's hope and then running it over with his moped.
YOU ARE READING
Shayan & Avan - The Mutated Potato
HumorAvan get's dumped in front of a library, and thinks his life couldn't get any worse. And then his best friend crashes into the pavement, and drags him on a quest to stop a mutated potato from terrorizing retirement homes, and the elderly. Why? Becau...
