Morgan's POV
Sept 22nd
Today is the day that i was NOT prepared for at all. Currently lying in bed staring at all of the shit that i bought Shug, shit that I bought weeks ago in preparation for today.
But... i mighta fucked everything up. I won't even say might, i did. I fucked up everything between us, and i take full accountability for that shit. I was the one who said what led us to this point, and i was the one who left.
Shug was right, what i have going on personally has nothing to do with what me and her had going on. And i honestly don't know why i reacted that way, i just wanted to get the fuck away from everybody ASAP.
But at this moment, it was just my parents. Or sorta. I don't wanna be on bad terms with them, or Shug. But this shit is like a never ending cycle, and I can't apologize. Well, I should to Shug. Not them.
But Shug doesn't wanna hear my shit, and I really don't blame her honestly. She's been returning some of my texts though, we're still too sore to be calling.
Even though I wanna call her and bug the shit out of her when I don't have anything better to do, I literally be having internal battles on whether I should text her or not. That's how bad shit is.
And I don't even think she's as mad as she was before, she's moved on from that shit quick as fuck which hurts like hell to say. I mean, I said what I said but damn.. you don't even miss me a little?
That's the part that's fucking with me, I take full accountability for everything and she has every reason to feel how she does but like damn, Shug. We were friends before anything.
I started to get flashbacks of her reminding me that our friendship was solely based off of our youth, and that we really didn't have anything in common. But I don't even care about that, I'm not gonna throw away 11 years of a friendship because our relationship plans didn't work out.
Fuck it, I'm calling her.
I grab my phone and unlock it, heading to my FaceTime app before my eyes immediately locked onto her name. The last time we FaceTimed was over a month ago.
I sucked in a breath before clicking her name, staring at myself in the camera as the phone rang. I let it ring the entire time though my pride was telling me to hang up, I just couldn't. But when she didn't answer, all of that shit went out the window.
So I called her again thinking maybe she was on DND, and this time she picked up on the 3rd ring. "You could've answered the phone the first time." I start off with, watching as she went on pause and then turned down her radio.
"I'm tryna drive."
"Where you going?"
"Home."
"You not doing anything for your birthday?" I ask her while subconsciously glancing over at her gifts that sat on the floor near my window, I bit my lip while thinking about how I was gonna get them to her.
"Nah, I'm tired." She mumbled lowly, I could hear the sound of some kinda semi truck reversing in her background, and then the sound of her blinkers while she mumbled something traffic related.
"It kinda sucks that we..." I started before just deciding not to mention it. "I got you some things for your birthday."
"You could go and get ya' money back." I roll my eyes at her suggestion before frowning slightly. "No. Don't be like that."
"Im just saying."
"You too good to accept my gifts now?" I ask her while shifting in bed, my attention still on the paused FaceTime screen. "And why am I on pause?"
"I ain't say allat, Morgan." Morgan is crazy. "Im tryna drive, highways busy right now." She added.
"Ok but I'm still not taking any of this back." I let her know, the empty vibe in her voice let me know that things between us had flattened out completely.
"Am I bothering you?"
"Nah, I'm just tired." She mentioned again in that same empty ass voice. "Alright, well... I was just calling to...." I sighed while tryna figure out how to wrap up the conversation because it's clear she does not wanna talk to me.
"Happy Birthday, Shug."
"Thanks."
"I'll... talk to you later sometime.."
"Yeah."
"Alright, bye."
"Bye." I hung up and turned in the opposite direction of my phone. Staring out at my bedroom door before my thoughts began to fill my mind before anything else could.
Im not gonna give up yet, there's still some hope for us. At least I think so anyway, she's just still mad. It hasn't even been a month yet, barely 2 weeks.
But the more I let her calm down, the faster she'll get over me. And there's a slight chance that she already is. But what the fuck can I do besides let her do her.
I grabbed my phone and went to our thread before pulling up the keyboard, staring at it for a second before I began to type.
I know you probably hate me, and you have every right to honestly. I take full accountability for everything that went down, I blew things out of proportion, and I'm the reason there is no longer an us. Though I don't know if that statement is completely true, and I don't mean to be a jerk about it but this is the exact reason why I was hesitant on pursuing anything other than a friendship with you. My love for you is deeper than that, it's more than I can express tbh. I love you more than you and I can both imagine, and I care about you the same way. Im sorry if I caused you any pain or distress, Im not looking for you to completely forgive me either. I'd just love to have my best friend back, it's been rough enough, I don't wanna go on any further without you.. unless I have to. I hope you get what I'm saying, and this message is only explaining half the things I wanna say. I wanna give you space so you can calm down, but I don't want you to forget about me either. After all is calm, I hope that I'm still someone that you love and care about. And I hope you have it in you to forgive me, forget that, and continue being my friend.
I took a deep breath before hitting the send button, and then my heart literally dropped to my ass since it never even got a chance to read delivered.
seen at 1:46PM
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updating again next weekend 😄
