the hated child

chapter eighty-nine

Mistake went roar and boom, she became a dragon!!!!

Simon covered his mouth in fangirliness. "OMG!!! A DRAGON!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M LOOKING AT A DRAGON!!! A BIG AND UGLY DRAGON!!! A DRAGON THAT WILL ATTACK ME WITH IT'S SCARY DRAGON POWERS!!!!!"

Mistake sighed, breathing smoke and fire from her lungs. "Seriously? You ASKED me to turn into a dragon, and now you're COWERING BEFORE ME?"

"Well, YOU CAN'T BLAME ME!! DRAGONS ARE COOL! My idol, Ed Sheeran, made a music video with a dragon! (I totally didn't just google Ed Sheeran dragon and assumed that he did.)"

"WELL IF THEY'RE SO COOL WHY DID YOU GET SCARED OF ME???"

"It's not being SCARED. Big boys like me are NEVER scared. It's called having shivers because whenever I see you, I imagine your hand running down my spine."

"..."

"I wish our love story was like the one with the door hinge, or a tree, or a mountain, or a giant bug..." Simon sighed, looking into the distance with hope in his heart.

"What giant bug..."

"The book said it was a centipede, BUT I'M A GIANT CAT, SO THERE'S BASICALLY NO DIFFERENCE!!!"

"What."

"Meow."

"YOU'RE BACK TO MEOWING AGAIN???"

The cat nodded.

"It's ok, I DON'T NEED YOU TO BE ABLE TO TALK IN ORDER FOR ME TO KILL YOU."

The cat began to squint and reveal their sharp claws. "... MEWBERDOOBER!!!!"

"I... I think I know what you mean by mewberdoober now..."

"Mewberdoober!"

"Yes, mewberdoober does mean mewberdoober; what I mean is that I think I understand the MEANING of it. I could describe it in other words."

The cat began to tear up. "M... mewber... mewberdoober???"

"I know that Meur Mew Meoro 🛩🛩🏢🏢 caused a lot of people to mewberdoober."

"YES!!! YOU UNDERSTAND!!! MEWBERDOOBER... IS... DEATH!!!! And I want you MEWBERDOOBER."

"But wait, that's really confusing. Why is the word for dead, die, and death the same? You didn't change it at all! Isn't that a bit confusing?"

"Silly monolingual. Other languages... have different terms... and some languages have the same term... for different terms in your language..."

"How are you so educated on cat language though? Like, is there a cat school? Did little kitty cat Simon have to go to a pet daycare to learn how to meow? If so, could you teach me? I would love to add another language to my resumé!"

"WHAT ARE YOU APPLYING TO IF YOU'RE THE PRINCESS??"

"YOU NEVER KNOW! I NEED TO HAVE BACKUP PLANS Y'KNOW? HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE TRYING TO DETHRONE ME? IT'S LITERALLY UNREAL."

"BUT... YOU'RE LITERALLY THE PRINCESS???"

"AGAIN, HAVE YOU SEEN THE THINGS PEOPLE ARE TRYING JUST TO GET RID OF ME??? YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME RIGHT NOW! YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS MATTER."

"W-WELL... IT'D LOOK GOOD ON MY APPLICATION IF THEY COULD SEE HOW STRONG I AM, I DEFEATED THE PRINCESS/A REALLY COOL DRAGON! I ACTUALLY HAVE THINGS TO APPLY FOR, I DON'T HAVE MY ENTIRE LIFE SET OUT FOR ME."

"HEY! I DON'T HAVE MY ENTIRE LIFE SET OUT FOR ME ANYMORE! I HAVE MY ENTIRE DEATH SET OUT... BY OTHER PEOPLE..."

"OK?? YOU'RE SUPER RICH, YOU COULD PROBABLY HANDLE A LITTLE BIT OF STABBING. JUST HEAL YOURSELF OR SOMETHING. YOU'RE LITERALLY THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD."

"HEY! YOU CAN'T ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT ME. (even though it is all true... I could heal myself easily, and I probably am the most powerful person in the world...)"

"BOOHOO!! YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN A KINGDOM ALL DAY, IT'S SO SAD HAVING THE MOST POLITICAL, SOCIAL, AND ECONOMIC POWER IN THIS ENTIRE NATION!!! YOUR LIFE IS SOOOO SAD!!"

"YEA! IT IS!"

"GO CALL EVERYONE BACK, SEE IF THEY'RE ON YOUR SIDE."

"ALRIGHT. BRING THEM IN!"