Exposure • Tamber

Chapter 17: Frozen Mornings

"So, you panicked?" Anika frowned, "You. Panicked."

Amber groaned, her shoulders slumping even more as she stared at the blank sketch book in front of her. "Stop saying it. It doesn't help."

"I just— I'm having a hard time..." Anika pursed her lips together, "You panicked?"

Amber dropped down onto her stool, "Yes. I panicked. I left her there and stood outside in the snow, freezing my ass off like an idiot."

Anika gave her a sympathetic look, "Oh sweetie."

Amber started mumbling to herself as she lifted her pencil, placing it near the page then pulling it back. She did this a couple times, never actually making a mark on the white page, before dropping her arm and sighing. She had been staring at that blank page for twenty minutes now but all she could think of was how dumb she had been when it came to Tara.

Anika scribbled out a few more lines on her paper before turning back to a distraught Amber. "Do you know why you panicked?"

"Cause I'm an idiot." Amber grumbled, lifting her hand again before dropping it a second later. "She told me I was the problem."

Anika was about to interject, positive there was more to it than that, when Amber stood up and lifted her arm, finally making a mark on the page in front of her.

"Things have been great. Perfect even. She was kissing me and we were—"

"I really don't need the little personal details." Anika frowned and watched Amber's pencil continue to move smoothly in her hand.

"Point is, suddenly all I could think about was what she told me before. About not wanting to be a challenge, just another girl and I freaked out." Amber's eyes narrowed at her sketch, adding a bit of shading before continuing to mark the page with larger lines. "What if that's what would happen? I didn't want to just sleep with her and have it mean nothing."

"Well, would it mean nothing?" Anika asked, her eyes moving from Amber to her sketch.

"Of course not." Amber stopped moving her hand, turning to look at Anika with a serious expression. Slowly her expression softened as she realized what she just said and what it really meant. "Huh."

Anika raised her eyebrows, curious what Amber's sudden realization was. It was clear on her face she was less frustrated but still lost in thought.

Amber finally took in her sketch and smiled at the sketch she hadn't even realized she was creating. "It would have meant something."

The rest of the class had already started packing up their things and most of the room was empty by the time Amber had slung her bag over her shoulder and was standing by the door waiting for Anika.

"Hurry up Kayoko, I have hot chocolate to get." Amber nodded towards the hallway before she walked out of the classroom, clearly done with waiting.

Anika hurriedly finished packing her supplies up and was about to follow when she noticed Amber had left her sketch. She ripped it from the book and folded it small enough to fit in her bag and rushed after Amber.

They made their way outside and as usual, got in line at the coffee cart. Amber's silence went unnoticed as Anika held a conversation with herself easily, about what Amber wasn't sure. She smiled when she was handed two cups at the same time that Tara showed up.

"Hey, creampuff." Amber smiled and handed over the cup of hot chocolate.

"Oh my gosh, thank you!" Tara took the cup and lifted it to her lips, taking a sip. "I don't know what my problem is today, I just can't stay awake."