well, a lot has happened that i wasnt prepared for. the dude i liked got with the girl which is one of my friends 2 weeks ago. before that, my other friend told me she liked him & was heartbroken. i was starting to lose feelings anyway so i didn't really care that much. luckily she recovered but randomly 4 days later he broke up with her but they still talk. it's obvious he still likes her, he doesn't pay attention to anyone around him when hes talking with her & keeps his eyes and focus on her.
otherwise, im kinda scared to do what im doing tomorrow. im showing up to school with a paper cut out of a straw on a headband so i can look like a specific character. im just scared that ill get yelled at. the thing is, i know i shouldn't be anxious about that. its bad that im scared. the teachers need to stop yelling at people for doing nothing wrong. it makes my mental health worse than it already is. its only 3 days till school is out.
i have so much going through my mind rn. i figured out that whoever i like, i know i dont actually like them. i dont feel anything when i think about them or see them. i guess i just try to make myself feel better by thinking they like me. i know i would act differently if i was. when i was younger & had my first boyfriend, i sat with them & laid my head on their shoulder and would feel incredibly loved & my heart would beat so fast. sadly, they moved without telling me. im assuming that really messed me up including anything that traumatized me to the point i make myself try to feel better by believing someone loves me & became obsessed with love and hope that someone loves me so i can have that same experience that might not happen again.
anyways, im moving to a different school where i won't see any of my friends. of course im in contact with all of them. i know its best for me to move schools. my parents know its best for me. the bullying really impacted my life, so im hoping it wont continue in this school. im gonna miss all of them. i dont think im gonna see any of them again. ive known my best friend for 6 years & we finally are drifting apart. ill miss them very much. this hurts saying it.
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* Vent Book *
Random-'♡'- vent book - everything is organized - my personal struggles that i would like to share - people mentioned will not be named -there may be mentions of self-harm, chapter with self-harm will have a warning -'♡'-
