loml (Mikhaiah)

Lose (I should never have to win your love, Then hate myself when I don't)

We were packed into the van after our out-of-town show, and I found myself seated beside Maloi, who was her usual hyper self. Her infectious energy and hilarious jokes kept us all entertained, and it didn't take long for Staku and Jhoanna to join in, turning the ride into a lively banter. Sheena's booming laughter filled the car, occasionally interrupted by Gwen's amused stares. Meanwhile, Mikha was lost in her own world, headphones on, seemingly detached from the chaos around her. Every few minutes, we'd hear Colet's "piskit," adding a rhythmic quirk to the atmosphere.

Eventually, the frenzy died down, and the van grew quiet. Most of the girls drifted off to sleep, but Maloi remained by my side, her clingy nature evident. I realized how much I missed these moments with her; our busy schedules had kept us apart for too long. I made a mental note to plan a girly date with her soon.

Among us, Maloi was the most open to fan service, often paired with Colet for these playful interactions. She never minded the teasing or the malice it sometimes drew; she was always up for it. Yet, despite her openness, I knew Maloi was the straightest arrow among us, even more so than Mikha Lim's declarations of her own straightness.

"Hoy! Nag kiss si Ate Maloi at Ate Aiah!" Stacey suddenly announced, causing an eruption of laughter from the girls.

"Bored nanaman po sila sa likod!" Jhoanna added, reigniting the noise and chaos.

Maloi and I shared a laugh, and I noticed Gwen laughing her heart out as well. Although we had stopped being intimate, our bond remained strong, like best friends. Still, I knew her Bebe Sheena held the number one spot in Gwen's heart.

I then saw Mikha slowly glance our way. She was laughing, but I could tell she was annoyed. Her almost eye-roll and the look of disgust she shot us were all too familiar. Mikha's jealousy and protectiveness surfaced again, despite her own close interactions with other men and girls.

Mikha's accusatory message, "Grabe talaga ang trip niyo pag bored," hit me like a ton of bricks, instantly souring my mood. The joyful, carefree atmosphere in the van, filled with laughter and fun, suddenly felt heavy. Thankfully, Maloi was asleep on my shoulder, blissfully unaware of the emotional storm brewing within me.

Later that evening, Mikha ended up staying over at my condo. We sat in the dimly lit living room, the silence between us thick with unspoken words. I could see the tension in her eyes, a mix of guilt and longing. Finally, she broke the silence.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted," she said softly, her voice tinged with regret. "I'm jealous. I don't want you to kiss Ate Maloi or Gwen."

Her admission hung in the air, adding a layer of complexity to our already intricate relationship. Mikha's malambing voice, usually so comforting, now carried a weight of vulnerability and possessiveness that I hadn't fully grasped before.

"You know there's nothing going on with Maloi or Gwen," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. "We're just close friends. You don't have to be jealous."

"But I can't help it," Mikha whispered, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Seeing you with them... it just hurts. Gusto ko ako lang."

Her words struck a chord deep within me. Despite her own closeness with other men and women, Mikha's feelings for me were raw and real, and her jealousy was a testament to that. The tension between us was evident, a mix of affection, confusion, and unspoken desire.

Before I could respond, Mikha moved closer, her hand reaching out to touch mine. The warmth of her skin against mine sent a shiver down my spine. She leaned in, her breath warm on my neck, and whispered, "I just want you to know how much you mean to me."

I looked into her eyes, searching for the truth behind her words. The air between us crackled with an intensity that was both exhilarating and terrifying. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I struggled to find the right words.