loml (Mikhaiah)

MIKHA's POV (TOTGA Part 1: The Villain's Confession)

They said even the villains had their story. Perhaps I am a villain painted in other people's eyes after Ate Aiah and I parted ways. For people who knew about us, they have said so many things about me—about my wild lifestyle, how I was always on the edge, how opposite we were in every way that mattered. They whispered that I was reckless, that I didn't deserve her. They judged me for my free spirit, for the nights I spent in loud clubs while she preferred quiet evenings at home. They talked about how she was the calm to my storm, the stability to my chaos. And when we finally broke apart, they blamed me for the heartbreak, for the tears they saw her shed.

But even when I am the villain to others, she never made me feel that way. She had always been so considerate, so kind, so loving even in our final days. Even if I made her cry, even if I broke her heart over and over again through the years, she was so careful with the words she spewed because she knew that along the way, I got hurt too. She saw through my façade, saw the vulnerability I tried so hard to hide. She knew the demons I battled, the fears that consumed me. And despite the pain I caused her, she never turned her back on me. She never lashed out in anger or resentment.

You booked the night train for a reason
So you could sit there in this hurt

So she left after our breakup, to give me some space and grieve her pain. That is when I saw what I have lost. My whole world shattered. Us ending our relationship was something we both agreed upon. I even told her it was necessary when she asked if I wouldn't ever stop her.

But why, why does it hurt so much?

I thought it was the right thing to do, but the emptiness that followed her departure was unbearable. Every moment, a supercut of us plays in my mind—our laughter, our arguments, the way she looked at me with those eyes filled with love and understanding.

In the quiet moments, the pain becomes suffocating. I remember how she used to hold me when the world felt like it was crashing down. Now, I am left with a void that nothing and no one can fill. I wake up reaching for her, only to find cold sheets and a colder reality. The realization that I pushed away the one person who truly understood me, who loved me despite my flaws, is a torment I can't escape.

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers
You're not sure which is worse

Ate Aiah, when you sat there in the train or plane to wallow in your thoughts, do you think of me? When you walk in the city full of people, do you see my face, too? Because you're always in my mind—in silence and in chaos. Your beautiful face, I see it in every corner, your shining and expressive eyes, I long to have a glimpse in the eyes of strangers.

I wonder if you see me in the reflections of shop windows, if my laughter echoes in your ears when you hear a familiar song. Do you find traces of me in the crowded streets, in the places we once wandered hand in hand?

The world feels like a constant reminder of you. Every crowded place feels emptier without you by my side, and every silent moment is deafening with the absence of your voice. I catch myself searching for your face in the sea of strangers, hoping for a miracle that you might appear, even though I know you're miles away. I replay our memories like an old film, hoping to find some consolation, but it only deepens the ache. I long for the comfort of your eyes, those eyes that could always see which smiles I'm faking and understand the turmoil within.

I miss the way your gaze would soften when you looked at me, the way your eyes would light up with excitement or crinkle with laughter. Now, I seek that same light in the eyes of others, but it's never the same. No one else's eyes hold the same magic, the same depth of emotion that yours did.