The Loveless Letter (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 5

POV: Olivia

I was out of my depth.

I thought burying my emotions deep within herself and ignoring them would work like a charm.

It didn't.

Why the hell would it?

I'd had 10 years to do so, but my heart never let go of the love I felt for Bree. Going back to their special place, just the two of them knew about since high school, made me unbelievably queasy. I didn't feal sick because of Bree, but more because I still felt the connection to Bree and it was just as strong as ever. The little flip-flop my stomach did by just being beside Bree did not help. Not one bit. Or the hair on my arms standing to attention when our hands slightly brushed against each other.

It was like torture.

But for my soul.

"Estoy condenada." I whispered.

(I'm doomed.)

It was another titillating day of working at my parents' diner, thankful for the busy work to keep her thoughts at bay. The nightmares haven't stopped and my anxiety was just as present in my everyday life.

I was starting to consider actually going to a therapist – an unthinkable action for her former self. I was such a cocky shit that thought they knew everything about everything. I thought therapists were full of shit and just took money from gullible people.

"You okay after your impromptu meetup with Bree?" Isabella said cautiously.

I wouldn't say I was amazing, great, or spectacular, but I was teetering on just ok. That seemed like a great adjective for my state of being right now. The best friend I had been in love with since high school was getting married, I was booted from the military, I'm living at home with my parents again, and I'm single.

"Yeah, I'm ok." I answered neutrally.

"Well... if you think you're up for it. Bree asked all of us out to a celebratory dinner tonight."

I had to think about that for a moment. Dinner didn't seem too hard and I liked food. Maybe staying away from alcohol for the time being would do me some good though.

"Sounds good." I said waving my hand dismissively.

I had to do this.

To be there for Bree in her time of need.

If I was going to be the maid of honor, then I'd be the damn one there ever was.

***

An hour into dinner...

It was an absolute horror show.

Who the hell told me I could handle this?

Oh right...

I did.

The food was good, my family and friends were great, and the atmosphere was enjoyable.

So why did I feel so off?

Well, because seeing Bree and Henry together downright destroyed all of my defenses I built up specifically for this night. I wanted so bad to bask in the enjoyment of the evening, but it seems I just couldn't quite do it.

Letting go was easier said than done, that's for sure.

Izzy must've noticed where my line of sight was because she shot me a concerned look, but I waved her off.

"Estoy bien. Estoy bien. No te preocupes mucho Izzy. No es el fin del mundo..." I said whispered, trailing off.

(I'm fine. I'm fine. Don't worry too much Izzy. It's not like it's the end of the world...)

I decided not to finish that sentence in leu for comfortable silence.

Izzy gave me another concerned look but decided to not broach the subject again.

Another concerning thing - besides the looks I was getting from my sister - about tonight was the seating arrangements. I was clearly sitting by Izzy who was on my immediate right, but the kicker was the person sitting on my left.

Taylor Miller.

The groom's close friend.

We had only exchanged pleasantries briefly, trying to move past the awkward air between the two of us. I already didn't want to be here and I certainly didn't want to engage in conversation with one of Henry's friends. It looked like Taylor was on the cusp of saying something again but got cut off by a loud clap of someone's hands.

"I just want to start off by thanking everyone for being here today to celebrate mine and Bree's engagement." Henry announced to everyone.

I sucked in a breath sharply at the mention of the inevitable wedding. It was 2 months and some change away now. It was closing in on me, faster than I anticipated. I didn't have time to think about the inevitable anymore though because Henry had finished talking and Bree was headed straight in my direction.

"I see you've already got acquainted with Taylor." Bree said as she put a hand on my shoulder.

Bree looked smug about something, but I couldn't quite place what it was. Before I had a chance to respond to that statement Taylor cut in to get the jump on her.

"Oh yes, we were just getting acquainted." Taylor said.

"Well, I hope you'll both get along. You're going to be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months." Bree said with a smile.

And...

Bree was off just as fast as she had gotten there.

Taylor seemed to be eyeing me while her gaze lingered on Bree.

It was... disconcerting.

Once I turned back around to eat again, Taylor seemed to look at her intently. It was as if Taylor was peaking under my skin and seeing what I had been trying to hide all this time. I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. If anyone knew how I felt about Bree, then all hell would break loose. Especially if the woman decided to out me here.

Wouldn't that be something?

I rose a brow in challenge to Taylor's unanswered lingering questions. Instead, she just looked over at Henry with the same look I was giving Bree. I was confused as to what she was doing.

Why was she looking at him?

I looked at Henry then looked at Taylor.

Looked at Henry.

Looked back to Taylor...

My eyes widened at the realization and I knew - right at that moment -that we were both fucked.

We were both truly and royally fucked.

"Dios ayude a nuestras almas..." I groaned.

(God help our souls...)