Thin Ice

𝟓𝟔

LUKAS POV

Juliana Ortiz is about the only person who can make me eat my words.

Ever since she stormed out of that closet a couple hours ago, I've felt like shit.

I had to leave the party right after. I didn't want to see their faces if I came and sat down alone, without Jules.

Now, I'm laying in bed thinking of how to fix this or even why I want to fix this. I could just leave it as it is. Juliana and I would stay whatever the fuck we started as and I could leave this whole thing alone. The only problem with that is that I don't want to leave this whole thing alone.

Juliana Ortiz does something to me, she has since I first met her.

I never told her or anyone any of this because I didn't want people to think I was obsessive or crazy for thinking of her in this way.

Jules makes me mad. Mad at my myself if I fuck things up and I'm mad for her.

I'm losing it.

I need to talk to her.

I need to say something, anything, to her.

I roll out of bed and throw on some shoes. My feet begin to walk faster than my mind can think and then all of the sudden, I'm standing outside of her house.

Being neighbors with this girl is dangerous.

I glance down at my phone and check that it's late, 12:45am to be exact.

I look around and check if Josie or Jeff could be home but no cars are spotted in the driveway.

I raise my hand and softly knock on the door.

A part of me is hoping that if I barely knock, she won't hear it and I can go home and deal with this another day.

That part of me fails once I watch the door swing open and on the other side, stands the girl I need to apologize to.

"Go home," she spits out before shutting the door in my face.

"Wait," I quickly speak as I stop the door from fully closing. "Can we talk?"

She slowly opens the door back up and steps outside with her arms crossed. "Talk," she mutters as she closes the door.

Shit, I should've prepared something to say.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. She glares up at me with an unamused face that tells me to keep talking so I do. "I don't regret anything, I don't regret that night and I don't regret you. You run through my mind all of the time and it drives me crazy, you drive me crazy. I never know what your next move is or how you're going to act towards me and it makes me feel insane. You have so much control over me and you don't even know it Julie. You have the power to make me feel certain ways. Fuck, ever since that night you have ruined every other girl for me. I can't look at anyone else because I'm too busy looking at you but you're too busy looking at someone else, I can't stand it. I need you to look at me. I crave you in some weird way. I don't know what's happening to me so that's all I had to say whenever you asked, what are we, because I don't know Jules. I don't know what you've done to me and I don't know where to go from here," I blurt out all at once. It feels as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and placed onto her hers. I didn't mean to pour my whole heart out onto her but I can't keep it to myself anymore.

I like Juliana Ortiz.

I like like Juliana Ortiz.

I might even lov-

"Lukas-," she mumbles with a concerned expression.

"Julie," I match her tone.

"You don't mean any of that," she pauses and it causes my eyes to meet hers. "I know you and I know you're just saying all of this to get off the hook for fucking with my feelings. It's okay you don't have to-,"

"Are you serious?" I cut her off. I'm not having her stand here and deny everything I just poured out. I take a step closer to her as I speak. "I meant every single word," with each word I take a step closer to her until her back is pressed against the door. "I'm not lying when I say that you possess more than half of my thoughts," I whisper against her ear. I feel her shiver under me as she looks up at me.

"Lukas-,"

"No. I don't need you to tell me what I think of you. I mean it Julie, every word," I speak lowly.

"You hate me. You're disgusted by me, remember?" she tries to mention. I glance down at her with a small smirk.

"I never hated you," I pause as I lean in close to her face. "I hated that you never gave me the time of day. I hated that you never looked me in the eyes. I hated how much I wanted you," I continue to admit. I don't know what's taken over me but I love to watch her reaction.

Her eyes gaze over my face and I can tell she's in denial. She has the words on the tip on her tongue but she won't come out and say them.

"Lukas," she mumbles as she reaches up to place her hand on my cheek. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say here," she admits softly.

"Anything?" I mumble, keeping my eyes locked on hers. She looks away from me and shakes her head.

"I can't think," she mutters.

"Anything," I repeat. I need her to say something or else I look stupid standing here.

Her eyes meet mine again. I feel as her thumb softly rubs my cheek as she begins to speak. "I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say," she finally admits.

I let out a sigh and lean in and place a soft kiss onto her forehead. "Goodnight Julie," I mumble as I turn on my heel and begin to walk back home.

"Lukas wait!" she shouts back to me but I continue to walk. There's no reason for me to turn around. I told her everything and she told me nothing. I just poured my heart out to a girl who couldn't care less.

I'm so fucking stupid.

~

Poor guy.

Maybe one of these days..