How to train your dragon girl

Worst in Show

(Scene opens up with Alvin, Savage, and Mildew walking through the tunnels that run under Berk. Alvin steps on a Whispering Death eggshell)

Alvin: Huh. Anyone care to tell me what this looks like?

Savage: A waste of perfectly good Whispering Death eggs?

Alvin: This was your plan, Mildew. "Oh, plant the eggs under Berk," you said. "they'll hatch and destroy the village, Alvin. There will be no one left to get in your way, Alvin."

Mildew: Well, I don't remember saying all that.

Alvin: Eh, doesn't really matter now, does it? (He unsheathes his sword)

Mildew: Now, now, wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Alvin: Why should I?

Mildew: Look at the positive, Alvin.

Alvin: That's not really my strong suit now, is it?

Mildew: Think about it. Uh, when life gives you fish heads, what do you do?

Alvin: I take it out on people like you.

Mildew: Well, yes. That too. But... but... but... but... you can also make a delicious chowder. (Alvin swings his sword) Ugh! Ah! (Mildew pushes the sword away from him)

Alvin: I like chowder.

Mildew: Well, these tunnels are your chowder. They'll lead you right to the Berk dragon training academy.

Alvin: Eh, and what would I do when I get there?

Mildew: Well, the better question is, what wouldn't you do? What couldn't you do? Spying? Kidnapping? Dragon killing?

Alvin: Or all of the above... (laughs) I like it! You're in luck, Mildew! I'm not gonna kill you right now.

Mildew: I hate it when he says that.

Savage: Trust me, it's better than when he doesn't say it.

(The next scene shows a dummy in a boat floating in the ocean. Hookfang swoops down and grabs it)

Snotlout: Yes, Hookfang! Victory loop!

Hiccup: You know, I hate to admit it, but Snotlout actually looks like he's worked on his rescue training.

Fury: Yeah the dummy not on fire this time.

(Hookfang suddenly turns and dives into the water)

Snotlout: Hookfa—

(Hookfang drags his terrified rider through the ocean)

Astrid: Uh, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

(Hookfang lands on the seastack with the others)

Snotlout: Another victim saved. (Its head rips off, and he tosses it away from him( Aah!

Fishlegs: Yeah, you got the victim part right.

Fury: No kidding.

Snotlout: Shut up, Fishlegs. Big deal. So his head fell off. It's not like he's not on fire or anything. (Hookfang sets it on fire, and stomps on it) Shut up, Fishlegs.

(Scene cuts to Astrid climbing up the side of the seastack)

Hiccup: Great work, Astrid.

Snotlout: "Great work"? Pfft, try lame work. Hello? Flying dragon? Might be a little quicker to get to the top of the sea stack.

Astrid: What if your victim is trapped on the side of the cliff and your dragon can't get you close enough? You ever think of that?

Snotlout: Yes. No. Shut up, Astrid.