We found us | Book 1

I changed my mind

Evi:
After about an hour, Bill and I are sitting on the couch in the living room, with a mug of tea.
"So, um," Bill starts a conversation. "What are we now?"
He looks at me and I lower my eyes to stare at the mug in my hands. He takes the mug from my hands and puts it down on the table.
"Why are you so afraid of being in a relationship?"
It's like he can read my mind and the question makes me look at him.
"From the moment I start a relationship with someone, everything changes."
He leans towards me and rests his hand on my waist.
"You can't deny that there is something between us. I can't be the only one who feels this."
I try to control my breathing. His face is so close to mine, that our lips barely touch and I close my eyes in response.
"I will never hurt you."
I open my eyes again and look straight into Bill's.
My breath catches for a moment and it feels like my heart skips a beat.
He presses his lips briefly on mine, gently pushes me back so that I lie on the couch and crawls on top of me.
Desire and lust runs through my entire body.
I wrap my legs around his waist, pressing him even closer to me and pressing my lips to his longingly.
A soft moan leaves my mouth as he slowly strokes my side.
A shiver runs through my body and my heart is pounding in my chest.
I stop the kiss, gently push him off me and get up from the couch.
"I think you should go." I stammer.
Before he can react or has the change to even leave, I leave the living room and run upstairs to my room.
"God dammit!" I whisper to myself.
Why am I like this? Why is it so hard for me to do what feels right?
I hear the front door closing and I sit down on the side of my bed.
I take my phone from my nightstand and dial Kim's number.

"Hi, Evi."
"Hi, are you busy?"
"Not at all, what's up?"
"Well, um, I don't know. Bill.."
"Bill?"
"I think I have feelings for him."
"Yes, I already figured it out to be honest." She laughs.
"How-"
"It's the way you look at each other, and the way you talk about him." She interrupts me.
"I don't know what to do, Kim."
"Just tell him."
"I don't think that's necessary anymore."
"You told him already?"
"We kissed."
"Yeah, I know."
"No, I mean really kissed, more than once. And he ended up sleeping here."
"YOU HAD SEX WITH BILL?!"
"No! Of course not, and don't yell like that. You'll make me deaf."
"But so, you two kissed, extensively?"
"Uhuh.."
"But you're not a couple?"
"I don't think so?"
"He doesn't want to?"
"I'm not sure I want to." I stammer.
"Maybe you should just follow your gut for once, you're taking this whole relationship thing way too seriously."
"Maybe," a sigh leaves my mouth.
"What do your feelings say?"
"I've never felt anything like this before." I admit.
"That's called being in love."
"Maybe.." I stammer.
"Just go for it! What's the worst that can happen?"

We end the conversation after a long talk and I throw myself down on the bed.
I bite my lower lip softly at the thought of what happened the past few days.
Maybe Kim is right, whats the worst that can happen? He could break my heart, yes, but what if he is the one?
I get a little smile on my face when this thought crosses my mind.
Maybe I should stop overthinking for once and just act on how I feel.
I stand up from my bed and walk down the stairs at a quick pace. I open the front door, close it behind me and ring Bill and Tom's doorbell.
The door opens and I see Tom standing in front of me.
"Hi, Tom."
"Hi, Evi."
"Is Bill home?"
"Upstairs." Tom says as he steps aside to let me in.
"May I?"
I look at Tom questioningly and then look at the stairs. He looks at me with a grin and then nods.
I walk up the stairs, quietly. Once I'm upstairs I stand still in front of Bill's door.
My heart is pounding in my chest and my hands our getting a little sweaty.
I make a fist with my hand to knock on the door, but I don't knock.
I slowly open the door and see Bill sitting at his desk, concentrated and busy writing.
Just seeing Bill makes my heart pound and I feel butterflies in my stomach.
I walk towards him as quietly as possible and when I stand behind him I put both hands over his eyes. He startles and grabs my hands.
"Guess who?"
"Hm, Evi?"
He pulls my hands away from his eyes and turns to me.
I look into his beautiful brown eyes, which sparkle as they always do.
I can feel myself getting more and more nervous and I decide to just go for it.
I lean towards him and press my lips briefly to his. He looks at me a bit confused.
"I thought-"
"I changed my mind." I interrupt him and press my lips to his again. He pulls me onto his lap and I wrap my arms around his neck.