Begin Again - A.I

eighteen.

The fairs held at Blue Valley were much different to the ones I was used to back home. They were like a knock off version, the ideas were the same, most of the rides and stalls were the same, but everything just had this sad, poor vibe. Like at any second one of the rides would collapse and kill everyone in sight.

"I'm telling you boys, this is our big chance. If we can get everyone to like our band then we're sold." Ashton moves around the stage, setting up his drum kit. His bandana sits tightly across his head, pushing back his curls. He bends down, hiding himself beneath his drums as he fixes something, his voice muffled. "I mean, we have a real shot here. This could be the best day of our lives."

"We don't even win anything," Luke states stiffly. Like the rest of us, he wasn't really sure why Ashton was treating this as the most important thing of his life. The gig the boys had done the week before was way more important. He fiddles with the amp behind him. "Just cash. And we only get ten minutes."

"Luke, you're the one who signed us up for this," Michael states. "It was literally your idea."

"I know, I'm just saying that Ashton doesn't need to be so fucking over the moon about playing for ten minutes when last weekend we played for half an hour and probably got paid more."

"Why are you so caught up on the money?" Ashton cries. "It's not about the money, it's not even about winning. It's about taking every chance we can to showcase this band."

"I agree with Luke." Michael shrugs. "If we're not getting anything out of this then what's the point?"

"The point? The point is the music! If you don't get that then I'm fucking leaving the band."

Calum, who's been tuning his guitar this entire time, looks at me and rolls his eyes, mouthing the words 'every time'. He doesn't even look bothered, just totally focusing on his guitar. Ninety five percent of the time I'm sure Calum is off in his own world, not even aware to what's happening around him. He always stays out of the conflict between the rest of the boys. He starts humming under his breath as he strums his guitar, rocking his head back and forth smiling as the other boys attack each other. So oblivious. I don't know how he can do it.

I sit on an amp with my head resting on my hands, watching the whole scene unfold onstage. The boys were on in about half an hour, they were starting the whole show, and then they had promised me that we could go look around after they had seen all the acts play. They wanted to 'seize up the competition'. I could just go look around by myself but I didn't want to look like that one loner kid with no friends playing the games by herself. Nobody wanted to be that person.

"Oh for fuck sakes, Luke. You do this every time. Every time!" Ashton yells out suddenly.

"Who elected you boss of the band?" Luke fights back. "Just because you're older doesn't make you some kind of dad to us. Just because girls like that doesn't mean we do."

"I'm the only one who actually gives a shit about this band! To you it's just some after school hobby, but to me this is actually a dream. A lifestyle. This band actually means something to me, Luke."

"It means something to us too, Ashton," Michael cries. "You're not the only one who wants to be here."

"Aren't I?" Ashton cries. I'm struggling to keep up with all the yelling and it's giving me a headache. And the boys haven't even started playing yet. "It seems like I'm the only one who actually puts effort into making this band work. You guys don't care, not at all. God, this could actually be something for us, yet you don't even care!" He kicks over the microphone stand and storms offstage, leaving us all to look at each other in silence.