Begin Again - A.I

twenty three.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, but he does this every time. It frustrates the hell out of me."

"Mhhmm."

"And it just comes out of nowhere, you know? I mean, is he actually bipolar? Has he been checked out? Because I swear."

"Mhhmm."

"He shouldn't be allowed to just get away with this. He treats people like shit and they praise him for it. But not me. Oh, no. I'm telling you right now that I will not be a victim to his vindictive ways. Ohhh, no, my friend. I will-"

"Ella?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

I turn to Michael, a little offended. Was he really telling me to shut up during our deep and meaningful conversation about Ashton? I had come to him with my heart on my sleeve and this is how is he dealing with it? How rude.

Michael hangs his legs off the edge of the roof - it took a lot of convincing for me to come up and join him - and drinks from his bottle. He burps and I wince. "Ashton is an asshole, anyone could've told you that."

"But why," I cry. "Why does he have to be?"

"Because he's pretty and he's popular." Michael looks at me. "Duh."

I sigh. I was pretty and popular, yet I wasn't an asshole.

"But then again, so are you. So maybe you two are perfect for each other."

I scowl. "Why are you even friends with him?" I question. "If he's such an asshole?"

Michael shrugs. "Because he's funny, and he's really good on the drums."

"You boys are complete idiots."

"The problem with you is that you keep expecting Ashton to not be himself." Michael suddenly adds the deep and meaningful to the conversation. "And the problem with Ashton is that he keeps expecting you to not be yourself. You two are both who you are, you need to accept that or just move on."

"How can I accept who Ashton is when I don't even know who he is," I counter.

"You just said it yourself," he replies. "He's an asshole."

"And that's it?"

Michael hesitates. "Yeah, pretty much."

I wanted to ask myself why I cared so much about somebody that wasn't me. I had never felt that way before. But I cared a whole lot for Ashton and I really didn't understand why. Did I just miss him? Was that it? Did I miss the Ashton I used to know and be so close with? Because the Ashton I knew now was certainly a lot different than the Ashton I left behind ten years ago. Maybe that was it, maybe I did just miss him. But then ... when I look at him I feel something that feels a lot like indigestion but a lot more pleasurable. I hate it. What the hell is going on?

"I haven't seen Ashton care this much about a girl since Marie," Michael speaks up.

I turn to him. There it was again, that name that was so forbidden. "Who was she?"

"Marie?" Michael straightens his posture. "She's Ashton's ex."

"Who isn't?" I mumble.

"No, but like, Marie was an actual girlfriend," Michael says. "The only one he ever had."

"I tried asking him about her once and he totally shut me down."

"Yeah, he would. If you even just mention her name he loses it."