Begin Again - A.I

thirty three.

Hands. That's the first thing I think of. What the fuck do I do with my hands?

I don't know how long it had been, but Ashton's lips had been successfully attached to my own for what felt like forever. His hands were on my waist, moving down my back, gripping my neck, and mine were just .... limp. By my side frozen still. I was frozen still. You see, Ashton was a master at this game, he had been playing for a while. But me? This was my first play.

I was thinking too much, I knew that. It was like every possible thought that could be thought ever was in my brain at this very moment. With Ashton's hands on my waist. I always pictured my first kiss to be something that made the world stand still. To be the only thing to matter in that moment. But as soon as Ashton placed his lips to mine, everything sped up. And it hasn't stopped moving since.

Suddenly there's a knock at the door and Ashton and I jump away in shock. "Two minutes left!" Comes the yell.

And then we realise where we are, and what awaits us outside this closet. And we both look at each other.

"Uh, well ..." he says.

"Yeah," I say.

Then he smiles, and it's a real proper smile. Like those ones that show dimples and teeth and reach the eyes and everything. Then he laughs.

"What?" I ask. I could feel the heat already rushing to my cheeks. Was he going to bring up how I didn't know what to do with my hands? 

"You're really something, you know that?"

I look down to avoid his gaze.

"Come here."

"What does this mean?" I blurt out. "W-What are we now?"

"Come here."

"Do you like me? Are we together?"

"Come here."

I let him pull me closer to him and once again he's placing his hands on me. And it makes me feel warm. And then, ever so gently, he's kissing me again. 

This time, my hands find his neck. And we do nothing but kiss for the final minutes.

-------

"Did you two kids have fun?" Luke gleams at us as soon as we exit the closet. Everyone's eyes are on us, stalking us like prey, and I would usually feel uncomfortable but I'm kind of just floating at the moment. Because, like, I just kissed Ashton. More than once. And it was freaking amazing.

Ashton doesn't say anything, and I sure as shit don't either. The teasing continues for a bit until everyone moves on to something else, and we become old news. And that's how I begin to feel as Ashton sits across from me, not even looking at me. I begin to doubt everything. What if it really did mean nothing? Just a game of seven minutes in heaven; once the seven minutes were up that was it.

I keep staring at him, hoping he'll feel my gaze on him and look at me. He doesn't. I watch as he talks to Luke, to Michael. To that twit with the eyebrows. He doesn't even look at me. Geez, way to make a girl feel special.

The game seemed to have finished because everyone was just talking amongst themselves now. Everyone but me, who was still staring at Ashton in hope. I'm still staring when I feel a soft tap on my shoulder. 

"Are you okay, Ella?" Calum asks me.

I pull my gaze away from Ashton to look at Calum, and I try and force a smile that will portray me to be happy. "Y-Yeah. I'm great."

"Did something happen in the closet?" He then blushes. "Well, apart from what was meant to ..."

My chest softens at Calum's worry. "Uh, no. It's okay."