The Lavender Butterfly

Chapter 14

“Good morning, sweetie,” Meredith whispered to me. I softly opened my eyes, stretched, and let out a big yawn. I looked up and Meredith and smiled. I was reminded of how much I loved her greeting me every morning with a cheerful smile. Only this time it felt different. She seemed more nurturing than when I was my old self. “Good morning, how did you sleep last night, Meredith?” “I slept well, but you were pretty much out cold right when we got back to the hotel,” Meredith replied. I certainly felt like I had been asleep for ages. My vision was still blurry, as I wiped the sleep from my eyes and sat up in bed. Meredith ambled over to the window and opened the shades, letting the morning light shine into the room. Meredith poured us both bowls of cereal as we ate a quick breakfast before we got ready to go to the beach. Both of walked out of the room onto the balcony, with our bowls of cereal in hand. We both looked out onto the ocean together, both of us silent, mesmerized by the sound of the waves lapping onto the shore below. I closed my eyes, leaned back in my chair and took it all in. I felt an overwhelming peace. If only I could bottle up this moment and take it with me anywhere I went. Meredith took a deep breath and looked at me as I was laying back in the chair with my eyes closed. “I can’t think of a better way to start this morning,” she said. “You should probably eat your cereal Olivia; it’s going to get soggy.” I opened my eyes. Even though we had only been sitting out on the balcony for a few minutes, I had completely forgotten about my breakfast somehow. And yet, I still haven’t fully gotten used to her addressing me as Olivia. I got lost in thought. The calming sound of the waves and the refreshing scent of the ocean air is enough to put me into an almost comatose state of daydream. I looked over at Meredith, who was looking out at the horizon. “Meredith, how are you feeling about……well…. everything?” Meredith snapped out of her trance and slowly turned to me. “I still don’t know how to take all of this. Both of our lives have changed so abruptly. This obviously wasn’t what I expected. What both of us expected. We were supposed to enjoy the rest of our trip as husband and wife, and when we returned home, we were going to start a family, when we couldn’t before. I was looking forward to us growing old together.” She sighed. “Instead, I feel like I got what I wanted in a way, but I lost my husband in the process.” The words she spoke repeated in my head. This experience left me completely bewildered. I feel like I lost the love of my life in the process, but she is still with me. The dynamic of our relationship had completely changed, yet I still was in love with her. But it was different now. I felt like her feelings for me have changed from that of a burning lover’s passion, to feelings of adoration and a need to nurture me. The love was still there, but somehow the bond between was stronger than it had ever been. My life had been enveloped in an overwhelming mystery. I felt completely lost and Meredith was my only beacon of light. I never wanted to leave her side. “You never lost me, I’ll always be with you,” I replied. She looked back at me, and I could tell her heart was melting just by the look on her face. “Come over here,” she said. I laid down next to her and nuzzled up next to her in the lounge chair. I wrapped my arms around her as she gently stroked my hair. We laid there together for what seemed to be an eternity. I wanted this moment to last forever. She softly kissed me on my forehead. “As much as I want to lay here and relax with you, we have to get ready for the day,” she said. We got up and headed back into the hotel room to get ready to go to the beach with Stella and her kids. Meredith made her way to the bathroom while I packed my bag for the beach. As I packed a beach towel and some sunscreen, I heard my phone ring from across the room. I went over and examined the phone. “Another call from work, I’m not going to make the same mistake again,” I thought. I let the phone ring, and saw that I had 17 missed calls, some calls from work, and several from Stella. It dawned on me that I had to let every hint of my former life go. I packed my phone and my wallet and hid it in a side compartment in the bag, so no one would see it. Meredith walked out of the bathroom. “You’re still not ready?” she said. “I….don’t know how this thing goes on,” I replied, holding both pieces of my bikini out in front of me, dumfounded. “Okay, I’ll show you how to put it on,” she said. “You know, there’s still a lot of things you need to learn about being a lady. No worries, you’ll catch on in due time,” she continued. I felt exposed wearing a bikini swimsuit, but it helped that I was somewhat concealing it with a tank top and shorts. I wasn’t sure I wanted to expose most of my body for all to see out on the beach. I was still very self-conscious about my new body, and while I was starting to get used to being a girl, it still felt very foreign to me. After we were ready, we walked out into the hall and knocked on the door of Stella’s hotel room. “No answer,” I said. “They’ve probably already made their way to the beach,” Meredith replied. “Let’s head out and find them, I’m sure they’re waiting for us,” she continued, as we made our way to the exit.