This is a rather short one, I have very little energy to write rn 😭.
Jungkook POV -
Flashback - 4 months ago
I lay on my bed and simply stared at the ceiling. All my energy, gone. It was becoming the norm for me now.
Jimin had commented on my lack of enthusiasm earlier. Said I used to have enough energy to run about and keep going till well past midnight. Where was it now? I used to do silly things whenever I wanted, but now I held back. I just wouldn't feel like it.
It's like a part of me is dying from inside. I used to love dancing and singing, I would look forward to practice, now I feel like a robot going about its cynical duties. There are days I let myself down so badly I would sometimes hear a voice say I shouldn't have existed. I can tell my dullness is apparent to everyone. And I feel bad for letting them down too.
I hate this emptiness inside me. I hate how my love for life is starting to dwindle. I hate how everyone expects perfection out of me for every ******* thing, because I am the Golden Maknae. I hate how despite giving my everything, some things are just not enough and people call me out for it. I hate how I still can't fit some ridiculous standards. I hate how my hyungs can't seem to notice. I hate how parents tied me up in their own problems and put some of the blame on me. I hate how I seem to be pushing people away. I hate how I still have to put on a fake smile, even when I feel a little dead inside. I hate... I hate how I seem to hate everything.
I try forcing myself to smile, to make myself feel anything happy. But I can't. It's all a mask. The stuff I like don't excite me anymore. The people I love don't notice me anymore. The energy I had once isn't there anymore, and no matter how much I try none of these are going to come back. It's just me, dying emotions and the voice of the devil.
How ironic. I once sang a song of pure happiness. But I feel the complete opposite. How long is this going to last? How long till someone comes and heals this breaking heart of mine? I guess I have to wait, but will it help?
****
Sorry if this chapter is too short, hell it's way too short for me. Tbh, I wrote this because it hits home at the moment. Plus, I'm sort of confused about where to go from here rn.
I need a quick opinion - should I write a few fillers for Jungkook, before Tae and Jin get on with their mission? For example, how JK ended up stuck as a ghost on Earth (and probably a couple more)
More such memories like this are yet to come (ref intended), though I doubt they will be as short as this one.
Lastly, the poster and trailer for Are You Sure? is so wholesome 😂.
Ok have a good day, byee!
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