Love isn't easy (Phan)

Chapter Nine

If you don't know what an  'endoscopy' is, please google it before reading this part!

We kept our lips together for a moment and I slowly got my hand to her neck, then ran my fingers through her perfect orange hair. She sweetly licked my lips, as asking to enter my mouth. I pecked her lips quickly and slid my tongue to her mouth. I adjusted myself on the couch, getting my body closer to her while we kissed. She was a good kisser. I couldn’t remember the last time I kissed a girl. It was different, it was good… but it didn’t feel right. At all. Even though it was weird for me, I continued. She was increasing the speed and running her fingers through my hair, stroking my jaw and neck. Suddenly I heard Anna laughing in the hallway, not at us, probably talking to Dan. “Are you sure you don’t wanna stay here? It’s not like we haven’t slept in the same bed anyway, the only difference is that this time we’ll actually sleep” Dan chuckled when he finished his last sentence. Emma pushed my away and grinned as they entered the lounge, and I wrapped my arms around her. “No, Dan, it’s okay… I have to work tomorrow.” Anna said, and then looked at me. “Hey Phil, I’m leaving, just wanted to say bye”. I smiled at her and said “Bye Anna”. She quickly analyzed the situation Emma and I were in, and walked to us, smiling “Hey Emma, it’s so nice to meet you! I love your videos!” She said. “Hey thanks! Nice to meet you…Sorry, what’s your name?” Emma asked. “It’s Anna!” Emma stood up and hugged her. “Nice to meet you Anna.” Then sat back down and cuddled into me a bit. While they talked, I could feel Dan’s eyes on me. Or on Emma. Us both. He didn’t look happy in any way. I couldn’t understand though. “Are you Dan’s girlfriend?” Emma asked, smiling, then added “Oh Dan don’t worry, if she’s your girlfriend I won’t tell your crazy fans.” But Anna quickly interrupted her. “No, we aren’t dating! We’re just good friends, isn’t that right Dan?” Dan took a few seconds to respond as he wasn’t really paying attention. “Yeah” he chuckled, awkwardly. “So, I’m leaving. Hope I’ll see you again. Bye Phil!” Anna got out of the room and Dan followed her, without a word.

When they were gone, Emma looked at me, as saying ‘can we continue from where we stopped?’ but all I could think was: A) what Dan said to Emma, the ‘we’ll actually sleep’ thing. B) the fact that Anna said they were just friends. Maybe they didn’t want Emma to know as they weren’t friends, but still. At least they looked like a couple to me, earlier.

“Earth calling Phil” Emma said, snapping her finger in front of my eyes. I smiled at her and said “Sorry, sometimes I get distracted.” She locked eyes with me, waiting for me to do something.

I heard Dan running to his bedroom and slamming the door. I kept holding her gaze though. She leant forward to kiss me, but I stopped her, adjusting on the couch again so our bodies weren’t so close. “Sorry, Emma” I started. “What, Phil?” she asked, and I could see the worry in her eyes. “I just…” I tried to get the right words, but none of them seemed to be good enough. “I just…” I repeated. “I don’t think we can do this” I said. “Why not?” she asked quietly. “Because… Emma..” I shut my eyes closed and covered my eyes with my hands. I had no idea how to explain to her, what the hell was going on. “Yes?” she asked, as I didn’t finish the sentence. “Emma… I like someone. You know? I don’t want to make you upset, or make you think I like you in that way, and then fuck everything up” She looked down and moved her body, obviously uncomfortable. “I’m sorry” I added. “Sorry… Phil… I think I understood all wrong” She said quietly. “You don’t need to be sorry, I do.” I said. We were in silence for a moment. “If this helps in any way…” I took a deep breath, and she looked up at me. “I’m gay.” I said, and then added: “Sorry.”

Her eyes widened with what I said, not in a disgusted way, more like surprised, but 2 seconds later she was normal away. “Ow” she sighed, and then continued “Wow Phil… I… I wasn’t expecting this” she chuckled, and now it wasn’t so awkward. “It’s not like my subscribers don’t say this all the time” I said quietly, looking down. “But everyone is gay for them, Phil… and they say it because of Dan… but you always said you don’t have anything… so I guessed you were straight?” She questioned. “But I don’t have anything with Dan… he’s straight…” I sighed, trying not make this an easy giveaway.