Who you are!

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You know how the slightest details become clear when there's nothing around to distract you? When you notice the small crack in the floor tile that has been worn down for years going unnoticed. The beep of machines becomes a constant irritating noise that replays in your head for days even after you get discharged from the hospital. The smell of cleanser so strong you could almost taste it.

I sat on the hospital chair as I chewed on my thumb nail. My mind racing to other places as my foot tapped against the cool tiled floor making my leg bounce up and down. I couldn't stop replaying what happened to Eleanor in my head. The baby is gone and it's not coming back. I feel like it's my fault, I mean maybe Hunter was right I am a selfish bitch. I closed my eyes as I tried to hold back the tears that were already falling. I sighed as I sat up in my chair and ran a hand through my tangled mess of hair.

The door to Eleanor's room soon opened as Louis emerged with a sad expression on his face.

“Uh, she wants to see you, Parker.” Louis whispered as he looked anywhere but me. I could tell this was hard for him. Losing and unborn child that you didn't even know but you still loved dearly.

I nodded my head and stood up from my spot and wasted no time in going into Eleanor's room. As I entered I was engulfed with an overwhelming of sadness. Eleanor lay on the bed, machines attached to her here and there. Her hair was all over the place and her cheeks were tear stained and her eyes were red and puffy. I looked to where her bump would be, but to much disappointment it was gone. That baby bump was gone and so was the baby. It's not like one of those happy endings where the baby makes it out alive. No, this is much different. The baby was still so young in development that there was no chance of survival. Eleanor crushed the baby when she fell which caused the water to break open but instead of water it was blood, and it was from the baby.

“Eleanor?” I asked quietly as I inched my way over to her bed and took her hand in mine.

“Parker. Oh Parker.” Eleanor whispered as tears pulled at her eyes once again. “It wasn't your fault Parker. It was entirely mine okay. I know what you were thinking dear.” Eleanor whispered as she tried to smile but she was just too sad to give one.

“El, it wasn't your fault either. I-I guess it was just not meant to be.” I said as I looked down at the distressed girl. Her eyes were closed as she took in every word I said. Her hand grasping mine tightly as the thought of letting go would send her cascading into an endless pool of tears.

“You're right. It wasn't meant to be.” Eleanor said as she opened her eyes and stared ahead of her. Her eyes were locked on the picture frame of a baby. The smile on it's face as it wore pink booties on it's feet. I saw Eleanor's eyes tear up again and I squeezed her hand. “I wonder what she would of looked like.” Eleanor said as she looked longingly at the photo. Eleanor was far enough along to know the gender of the baby but not far enough along to have it survive. “I wonder what she would have been when she grew up.” Eleanor said as she started rambling about the child that God now keeps in his protection.

“El? How are you?” I heard a familiar voice say from behind me. I turned around to find Dani and her pregnant self. Danielle was only a few weeks behind Eleanor in development but she still had a baby bump.

“I've been better. I mean at least you still have your child.” Eleanor chuckled to herself as she let tears fall down her face.

“El, you can always try again.” Dani said as she sat on the end of the bed and caressed Eleanor's leg soothingly.

“I don't want to try again. I wanted that baby and that baby only.” El said stubbornly as tears started to fall more rabidly.

“It's okay El.” I said as I rubbed circles into the back of her hand.

“Parker, you have boot camp.” Liam said as he poked his head into the room. I simply nodded and left Dani to comfort El. As I closed the door behind me I looked at all of the boys. They all had tear stain cheeks and puffy eyes. Louis was the worst though. “Come on.” Liam said as he grabbed my hand and led me down the hallway.

Once we got out of the hospital we were bombarded with paparazzi asking what happened, but as always we ignored them and kept moving towards the car.

At the X-Factor building:

Liam pulled into a parking space and we both got out of the car and headed towards the back doors. Today I had to sing a song we picked out and create choreography to go with it. I picked out Who You Are by Jessie J. I was on in 5 minutes as we got here late. I practice going over the words and some of the dancing as Liam watched. He seemed a little out of it but so was I.

“Parker, you need to focus and put everything you have into this performance okay.” Liam said as he gave me a big smile. I smiled back but not as big.

“And up next is Miss Parker Tomlinson!” The host shouted through the microphone. I took a deep breath and walked out there onto the stage. The beams nearly blinding me as I looked out onto the crowd. I got in my ready position and soon the song began.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
"Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
(who you are [x11])

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah!
The more I try the less it's working, yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like WHOA!
Just go, and leave me alone!
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,
With a smile, that's my home!
That's my home, no...

No, no, no, no, no...
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
Yeah yeah yeah



I finished strong as my chest was moving up and down at an uneven pace. My mind literally going overdrive. My heart felt like it could beat out of my chest. It felt good to let it all out. A big smile formed on my face as I heard the wooping and clapping of the crowd. I bowed and walked off stage. What a good way to end the day.

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Hey guys so this is sort of a filler I couldn't really think of anything to do and im like super tired.  I have a volleyball tournament up in Fleetwood PA tomorrow and that's like an hour away from where I live :P

so thank you all for reading and go check out the story:

Love Me For Me BY: KaylaBaez

She actually lives in Fleetwood or near it and I thought that was so cool.

She also is writing me as a character in her book so go check it out guys :) haha

I really love all of you and each and everyone of you are beautiful in your own way. You are strong, funny, talented, and amazing in your own way.

DON'T FORGET TO :

VOTE

COMMENT

AND

FAN

THANKS GUYS:)

KATE

onedirectionluv1D

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