Because Of You (Elizabeth Olsen x Fem G!P Reader)

28. Calvin's Therapy Session

Y/N POV

"Wow, congrats!" Calvin said as he clapped my back, and I grimaced, it wasn't confirmed nor denied that she was pregnant but it felt like it was a pretty safe assumption.

I was excited, I think. I loved the idea of starting a family with Lizzie, though I didn't think it would be so soon, but I was also so fucking scared.

Once again thought of me being the parent my father was, was keeping me up at night, it didn't seem this real when I was with Jess, not even before I knew that she cheated.

But now.. it all felt so real, and I knew that it would be my baby- if there was a baby, I knew it would be mine, and it was terrifying.

"Hold your celebrations, it's not confirmed," I mumbled as I moved my finger around the rim of my glass, looking around the bar we were sitting in.

"She's a week late on her period and you don't know she could be weeks along, maybe a month or more."

"Don't say that," I said while shaking my head, and he chuckled, patting my back.

I was still living in denial a bit, and I knew I would have to face reality real fucking soon.

"If I'm not gonna say it someone else will." He said and I knew he was right, but again, only if there was a baby.

"I know, but you saying it makes it so real." I downed my drink and grimaced.

"Wow, this is crazy." He said while resting his head on his palm, and I hummed in agreement. "You've almost mothered two children by two different women in less than two years, you really need to keep it in your pants." I side-eyed him, flicking his forehead and he groaned. "Ow!" He rubbed his forehead while glaring at me. "Why?!"

"Cause I wanted to." I shrugged, and he kicked me. "Dick," I grumbled while rubbing my leg. "I'm so fucking scared Calvin," I admitted, even after all the talking Lizzie and I did, I know I said I was somewhat ready but.. what if I'm not?

What if we're rushing into things? I mean a baby is a big responsibility and we don't even live together yet. What about her family? I know I haven't completely won over Ashely, and I'm probably not gonna get anywhere with her father, but what if they hate me even more for getting her pregnant?

The smile that was on Calvin's face disappeared. "What's wrong? Why are you scared?"

"What if I'm not ready for a child? I love Lizzie, I love her with all my heart, but what if she is pregnant and I'm not ready, then what? Do I just go along with everything that happens? Do I just put on a smile, whenever she brings it up? What if I fuck the baby up like I was fucked up? I give them so much trauma-"

"Hey! Breathe, take a breath Y/N." His hands were on my shoulders, and I did as he said, breathing in. "And exhale." I did as he said, and his eyes scanned me. "You alright?"

"No."

"At least you're honest." I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. "I want you to tell me something." He started and I opened my eyes to look at him. "I want you to tell me what you think your life would be like in five years, could be less, or more what do you think your life would be like?"

I tapped my fingers on the table and tried to imagine my life five years from now, Lizzie and I would be living together, maybe engaged or married, and our baby- who wouldn't be a baby anymore but a toddler, and maybe another baby on the way.

But maybe we don't even last five years, and we break up, I tried to imagine life without her, what my mornings would be like without her cuddles and kisses, or my nights without her to hold, and I had nothing but pictures to look at of her, just pictures to remind me of my first love.

It all made me so sad. If she left my life.. the sun wouldn't shine, nothing would be right.

Do most people get married to their first loves? Or do they explore? Fuck around, and get their heart broken, break some hearts?

I broke two hearts already, I don't wanna break another. I most definitely don't wanna break Lizzie's heart.. again. I don't want my heart broken.

"I'm married to Lizzie and we have babies." I finally said though the second scenario was creeping up in my mind.

"Right? So you see yourself with Lizzie in five years, and you babies, okay? Thats plural it means more than one-"

"I know what it means." I cut him off, stopping him from explaining it to me like I was stupid.

"Okay, good, then I don't need to explain. But you're still with her, and you may not be ready now, but you will be, it may not be today or tomorrow, but you'll be ready when the time comes."

"What if that time is when she's having the baby?"

"Then you'll still be ready, 'cause your baby would be there and you'd be right there by Lizzie's side."

"What if I fuck the baby up? Every bad thing we were exposed to and I just repeat the cycle?"

He just shook his head, and a waitress came over and put more drinks in front of us, we thanked her and she walked away.

"You know what not to do, I know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt your child. And I can't think of a more perfect family for a baby to be born in." I took a deep breath, trying not to cry.

"You're making me emotional and shit." I started blinking away my tears and he smiled.

"You'll be a good mom, Y/N, I know it."

"I love you, Cal," I said and he smiled, and he picked up his glass.

"I am pretty lovable aren't I?" He said smugly, and I rolled my eyes.

"There's the Calvin I know and loathe." He just grinned, and I picked up my glass, and we cheered, downing the shots. "But I mean it, thank you."

"This therapy session is gonna cost you, $125." I chuckled, and he rubbed my back. "You're welcome Y/N."

Just like I couldn't imagine a life without Lizzie, I couldn't imagine a life without Calvin, they were my favorite people.