Multifandom One Shots

Negan Smith [3]

Loving a monster wasn't easy. It was the opposite of that. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to endure, and the man in question knew that, and he knew that he had gotten under my skin. That was probably the worst part of it, knowing who and what he was, and loving him anyway. I had tried my best to hate him, it was easy at first, but eventually, it became difficult. I couldn't hate him. I should, God I knew I should, but for some reason, every time I was with him, I felt like he was the missing puzzle piece that had fallen into place in my life. I despised feeling that way because that's what Jackson used to be in my life. He was the reason why I woke up with a smile on my face, why I had Matthew, why I hadn't given up on the idea of true love, but that was all robbed from me. He had taken it. The man I loved was stolen from me and then I fell in love with my husband's murderer.

Did that make me a monster, too?

I married Negan after he murdered Jackson because I needed to protect Matt, and I knew that declining Negan wasn't something I should do. He wouldn't force me into it, I learnt that pretty quickly, but by accepting his casual question, I gained more benefits and I had the protection I needed for myself and for my son. Negan knew this, naturally he did, and so he knew that I wouldn't have much of an option when he asked. He had the decency of waiting after killing Jackson. He waited two days, so apart of me had a feeling he had wanted my husband out of the way so he could have me. I wasn't the only one. I allowed my husband's killer into my bed and now he had clawed his way into my heart.

I was such an idiot.

I woke up alone, per usual, and proceeded to get dressed. Negan usually spent each night with a different wife, depending on what mood he was in and which one he preferred at the time. He had spent the last three nights in my bed, but I wasn't one to question it, since no one questioned Negan and got away with it. I wasn't terrified of the man, I didn't shake in my boots and tremble under his stare, but it was always like that. Simon once mentioned that's likely why he chose me since there were other women that were more eager to impress our leader. I hadn't wanted Negan, I wasn't so submissive, and I was off the market, claimed by another. He wanted me and so he took me. I wasn't stupid; I was wary of the man and I knew when to keep my trap shut. I had nothing yet everything to lose and he could easily steal it from me like he had everything else.

Once I got outside, Matt was already there, preparing the truck for Bud and some of the others. He wasn't a small boy anymore, he was nearing fifteen, the same age as I was when I first had him, and I knew sooner or later Negan was going to want to take him out on runs. Matt was a good kid, he knew how to shoot and defend himself, but he wasn't a Savior. He wasn't a killer and I wasn't going to let Negan turn him into one.

"Hey, need some help?" I pulled the tarp from the back of the truck.

Matt gave me a small grin, one that painfully reminded me of Jackson. "They're going to the Kingdom to get some supplies and they need all the room so..."

He didn't have to finish his sentence. I hadn't been on many runs myself, although Negan allowed women to have a decent role in keeping the Sanctuary running, as he preferred to keep his wives within the community. I never questioned it, but I knew enough to know Negan and the others had claimed a majority of communities, threatening them to give over livestock, and while I found it cruel, there was nothing I could do about it. This was life now. Negan was a conquer and he had done just that. It was their fault for not fighting against them.

"Where is Negan by the way?" I finally asked Matt, who opened his mouth to respond before I felt an arm wrap around my waist. I knew who it was instantly; no one else would dare to touch me.

"Missing me already were ya, sweetheart?" He whispered in my ear, smirking broadly when he saw me close my eyes. It wasn't out of pleasure, it was my failure to hide the fact that I shivered at his mere touch.