A Gift From Above (ON HOLD)

A Gift From Above--Ch. 4 Trying

As the crowd of people started to trickle out of Johanna’s house in groups of two or three, I started to feel tired. Mrs. Knight fixed a spaghetti and meat ball dinner, and placed a plate with a large portion in front of me. My mother sat down next to me, and twirled the pasta around on her fork and then put it in her mouth. I turned my head to the left to see Autumn in her baby swing going from side to side. The empty seat to the right of me was meant for Johanna. I let my right hand fall to my side. If Johanna was here, I would have found her hand and held it in mine through out the meal. My mother noticed that I was just playing with the food on my plate and she spoke up,

“What’s wrong, Sweetie?”

“Nothing,” I grumbled.

“You’re not eating. There’s something wrong,” She told me. This made me mad, I hated how my mother knew right away when there was something wrong.

“Nothing is wrong. See?” I told her, shoving some spaghetti in my mouth, “I’m fine!” The pasta stayed in my mouth, I couldn’t swallow it. If I were to swallow it, I’d probably throw it up.

     I chewed the food for a minute, and then raised my napkin to my mouth to spit it out. I balled it up and held it in my lap until I made it look like ate most of my food. I excused myself from the table and scraped the rest of the pasta into the trashcan. I looked at the clock, 7:23, still too early to go to bed, but I could try. I walked back into the dining room,

“I’m going to bed,” I announced to the table. We agreed that my mother and I would stay here at the Knight’s house until I felt more comfortable leaving all of Johanna’s stuff behind.

“It’s not even 7:30, Jason.” Mr. Knight told me.

“It’s been a long day,” I replied to him, but he didn’t buy it.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Honey?” Mrs. Knight asked me, setting down her glass of red wine.

“Yes, I’m fine.” I said, leaving the room to go into the living room and get Autumn.

     I looked down to see her bright blue eyes flashing at me. I scooped her out of the swing and into my arms. My eyes ran from her hair, down to her feet. I gave her nose a small kiss before running upstairs to Johanna’s room. We had originally planned for Autumn to sleep in her nursery, but I couldn’t leave her. I set her down on Johanna’s bed gently, and went into her nursery to get a bassinet.

     As I entered the room, I remembered when Johanna and I decorated it. The nursery was a light pink, with a white crib on the far wall, above that, spelled out ‘McKenzie’ in white letters. I opened the closet and pushed past the hundreds of pink and purple outfits. On the ground was her little bassinet. I pulled it out, and carried it into Johanna’s room.

     I laid the bassinet down next to the bed, and slowly I picked up Autumn and wrapped her hospital blanket around her. I placed her in the middle of the bassinet and made sure she looked comfortable. I unzipped my jacket and yanked off my shirt. I didn’t even bother taking off my jeans, knowing that I would have to get up eventually. Slowly, I laid down in the bed, and I looked at the empty space beside me. Somehow, I didn’t quite believe that Johanna was gone, but I knew she was.

     I heard sniffling and crying downstairs. I knew that it was the adults crying, they waited until I left to let it all out. They wanted to act strong around me, but it didn’t work. I looked up at the ceiling, remembering the first time I had ever come in here. It was the last day of ninth grade, I had come home with her to meet her parents, and then go to a movie. We had been dating for about a month. She walked me up here, and we sat on her bed and we talked for hours. We even missed the movie. There was never any awkwardness; we acted more like best friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. I remember the one conversation in particular that lead to our first kiss together. We were talking about people we’ve dated in the past, but she had never kissed any guy.

“Would you ever kiss me?” I asked her, not expecting a response.

“I don’t know.” She said shyly. “I guess so.”

“Kiss me, then.” I told her, laughing at what I had said.

“You have to make the first move,” She told me.

“No, you,” I said, liking the argument.

“I’m not doing it.” She told me, getting off of her bed.

“Fine then,” I said, also getting off of the bed. I walked up towards her and put my arms around her waist, and wrapped her arms around my neck. Without thinking twice, I leaned down and kissed her softly.

“Happy?” I asked her, still hugging her.

     She never did respond. But I remember that conversation well; it was probably never one that I’d forget. Reality set back in, when I realized I was in Johanna’s room almost three years later without her. I rolled over on my side, facing the wall. Before I knew it, the whole world became black, and I feel into a deep sleep.

***

     I opened my eyes quickly, noticing that the room was filled with light. I looked out the window, to see the sun’s light pouring into the room. I rolled back over to see the clock that sat beside the bed, it said, 9:23, in the morning. I slept through the whole night, not waking up once to get Autumn. I cursed under my breath and sat up quickly. My head was pounding and I couldn’t see straight. I rubbed my eyes with my fist and looked around, things became clearer. I was sweating, and my hair was stuck to my forehead and the back of my neck. Even though I slept for fourteen hours, I still felt tired. I threw off the blankets and headed downstairs, ignoring my throbbing head.

“Well hey there, sleepy head.” Mrs. Knight told me as I walked into the room. She was feeding Autumn a bottle.

I smiled at her when my mother said, “How are you feeling, Sweetie?”

“Huh?” I asked her, confused.

“Do you not remember?” She asked, also confused that I had not remembered something, apparently important.

“Remember what?” I asked, my throat hurt when I talked.

“You seemed so sick last night! I don’t think you slept much at all.” She told me.

“What…was wrong?” I asked her, I was all questions.

“You had such a high fever, and you could not stop throwing up. I took Autumn out so she wouldn’t get sick. I couldn’t get you to move from the bathroom floor back into bed until 6:30 this morning. Do you want to go home and come back later?” My mother dumped everything on me.

I stood there and stared at her, it all came back. I feel asleep until about ten o’clock and then I woke up, and got sick. I didn’t know what to think, my mom wanted me to leave my daughter, just so I could go rest. “No, I don’t want to leave!” I said, a little ruder than I expected.

“I don’t want you to get her sick. Here are my car keys, go home and get rested up.” My mom said, handing out her keys to me.

I pushed them away, “No. I’m not going home.” I told her. I walked over to Mrs. Knight and took Autumn away. I went into the kitchen and got her bottle. An orange bottle caught my eye, so I grabbed it and brought it upstairs with me. I set Autumn in her bassinet and went into the bathroom.

     I looked into the mirror, I had dark circles under my eyes and my hair was messed up. Usually it fell over my right eye, but it was sticking up. I brushed my teeth and took the orange bottle out of my pocket. I read the label:

Johanna Knight

Anti-Depressants

Take one by mouth daily

     Johanna took these because her older brother died in a car accident just last year. I knew this, because if Autumn was a boy, we were going to name her, Andrew after him. Slowly, I took the lid off of the bottle and dumped three pills into my hand. I looked at the green coating. Without thinking, I popped them into my mouth and swallowed them down with water.

At least these would help me feel better.