Savior

The Girl that Forgets

Monday:

I'm going mad.

Every day, every hour, every second all I can think about is petal soft lips and the smell of lavender and sad eyes and fiery hair. Every morning I wake up with the taste of rum on my tongue and a tingling on my lips. I catch myself running my fingers against my mouth as if to reminiscence about how it felt when our lips touched.

I find myself mindlessly sketching full pink lips on napkins and receipts and staring at stranger's mouths in some ridiculous hope they will match up to hers.

It's all I can think about. She is all I can think about.

And it's been days since that night on the hill, but hers are the only lips I dream about, her voice the only one I want to hear, and her mesmerizing eyes the only ones I want to meet.

I've gone officially mad.

But, all of these occurrences are shadowed by a bitterness I can't control.

"I didn't feel anything. It didn't mean anything."

The words stung me more than they should. Hurt more than I expected them to –like a slap in the face.

Because to me it was like finally coming up for air after years of swallowing water, like seeing life in black and white and all of a sudden discovering reds and violets and vibrant hues of blue.

But, to her it was nothing.

And I don't know if my ego was just bruised or if it was really my heart that took a beating.

I'm wounded by the rejection, but I have no reason to be angry and I know that. Hell, if anyone should be angry it's Layla.

Because it was her sinful lips that I kissed on impulse, with no explanation, when I have a loving girlfriend that I should be kissing. I had turned her into the Other Woman and the idea has me physically sick from the demeaning title.

The guilt alone that I carry is enough to have me screening Jaime's call for the last four days, though I know it is unwarranted. The right thing to do is blurred –do I tell her I kissed Layla and break her heart and do I keep quiet and pretend as if it never happened as Layla suggested?

Breaking up with her isn't an option for me, not when I know how much I care and like her and how muddled my feelings are for Layla. I was swept up in the moment and slightly tipsy and I let my fascination with her cloud my reason.

At least that's what I tell myself because the alternative will do nothing but bring me pain and heartache.

She said the kiss meant nothing anyway – she told me not to break up with Jaime anyway. So, what would be the point in me doing that? I'm grasping at straws and I know what the right thing to do is deep down, but I can't bring myself to end it with Jaime.

I can't be alone. I just... can't.

Jaime is everything I could ask for and that kiss was obviously a mistake, so I should just forget it ever happened.

But, that is easier said than done.

Tuesday:

It's seven in the morning when I see Layla for the first time in five days.

I'm leaving my apartment to get to the shop early and coincidentally run into Layla as she steps out of her flat. Either God is making my life more difficult or Layla was just waiting for me to open my door, so she could run into me by "chance."

She is wearing a loose summer dress with brown ankle boots and her hair pinned up. I notice that she is wearing some gloss on her lips and a bit of mascara and even though she doesn't need it, she still stuns me into silence. It's annoying how beautiful she is.