Finding Myself {A Flarke Fanfiction}

Chapter 9

Finn's POV
Drip. Blood runs down my chin.
Drip. Its like dark red tears, running down my cheeks and falling off my chin onto the hard cement floor.
Drip. It hurts... so badly.
Drip. I need Clarke. She needs to be here to heal my wounds. Yesterday... I think... they hit me in the head with a large metal object. I have a huge, bleeding bump on my head now. I also think that the cuts on my stomach are infected.
I can no longer hold down any food, and anything I eat comes back up within a few minutes.
I'm so, so cold. I'm shivering in the corner, shirtless. I could really use a new shirt, and I hope that Clarke brings me one next time she visits.
Clarke.
She's the only thing keeping me holding on to my life. When I want to just end it, let myself go; I tell myself that it will only be a few more days, a few more hours, until I get to see Clarke. I could let myself go at any moment. Decide that is not worth my effort to live. But instead, I think of Clarke. And I put all of my fight and all of my effort into living. Just for her.
I never want her to know this, though. She gets hurt when she finds me in pain. But the thing is, whenever she's near me, I don't even have to fake it. Because whenever I see her beautiful face, all of the pain goes away. Maybe I still feel the stinging, maybe I still feel the tingling in my hands and feet, but it doesn't bother me. I have a thousand reasons to die right now, and only one to live. That one reason to live is so strong that it over powers the thousands of reasons to die. It's so strong that it makes my heart do flips and turns.
And that reason is Clarke.
~~~~
Clarke's POV
"Okay guys, so you know the plan?" Bellamy and Lincon nod. "Then good luck to you guys! I know you can do it, Bellamy. Good luck!" I say.
I pull him and Lincon into a short hug before they disappear into the woods. The whole plan is resting on them getting in, so if they don't make it, our whole plan is destroyed.
Once they are gone, I remember that it is prison visiting day again; so I reluctantly go to get Raven, dreading every moment of the walk to TonDC. I walk up to her tent and allow myself in. "Raven, it's prison visiting day", I say gently.
"Okay, be out in a minute", she says in a surprisingly nice tone.
While I wait for her, I go grab two new shirts (a long sleeved and a short sleeved) for Finn, and I grab some supplies from medical in case anything is infected. By the time I get back, Raven is outside of her tent ready to go.
We walk towards the gates and a few guards open them for us.
"Look, Clarke, I'm..." she struggles to tell me. "I'm really sorry for what I said the other day. I was just upset, and I didn't mean it." Her eyes tell me that she really does mean what she's saying, and I softly smile at her.
"Thank you, Raven. That means a lot to me", I say, before she surprisingly hugs me. On the rest of the way to TonDC, I tell Raven what we are planning for war; and what Bellamy and Lincon are going to do.
"Hello again, Clarke and Raven." Lexa greets is once we get into TonDC. "I'm sure you're here to visit Finn. Raven, you can go first. I have a guard in there to unlock it for when you're ready." Raven smiles at Lexa and goes to talk to Finn, leaving Lexa and I alone with our guards. Se dismisses them so that we can talk in privacy.
"You're putting everyone you love in danger, Clarke." She tells me.
"What are you talking about?" I ask her.
"You're letting the boy distract you from what's important. That could cost you the lives of all of your people, including the boy, and including you."
I shake my head and take a step back from her.
"When the last commander's spirit chose me, Clarke, I made the same mistakes you did." I look at her in disbelief. "Her name was Costia. The ice nation captured her. They thought that she knew my secrets, because she was mine. They tortured her, took out her eyes, cut off her hands and feet. I thought I would never get over the pain. It persuaded my decisions and made me lose hundreds of warriors in a war that I could've avoided, Clarke. But I got over it. For recognizing it for what it is."
"What is that?" I ask.
"It's weakness. And as soon as you recognize that is when you become a good leader."
I shake my head. "I can't do that."
"Then you put everyone you care about in danger, Clarke."
I look at her for a few minutes, trying to figure out what is hidden beneath her cold gray eyes. "You think that I'm weak for having feelings, but you're weak for hiding them. I know that you still feel something for Costia. I burned 300 of your people, and I know you felt for them. But you hide it. You hide all of your emotions, all of your pain and all of your grief." I approach her, and we are so close that I can feel her breathe. "But I see right through those gray eyes of yours."
"Get. Out." She tells me harshly.
"No." I say, backing her into a table.
She pushes me off of her and goes into the corner of the tent. "You're right, Clarke. I hide my emotions. I ignore them even when they're hard to ignore. It's impossible not to have feelings, but it's possible to hide them. To push them into the back of your mind until you forget about them. And I was doing perfectly fine with that. Until..." she struggles.
"Until what?" I ask.
"Until you." She replies, her face turning a shade of pink I haven't seen before now. Her eyes are no longer a cold gray, but a fairy blue. I look at her, confused as an awkward silence fills the air.
Just then, Raven comes bursting into the tent. Her eyes are red and puffy, like she's been crying. Finn really is the only one she can actually let out her emotions to, so it makes sense.
"Alright, Clarke. You can go visit him."
I nod and make my way out of the room to go see Finn.
~~~~
When I get into his cell, I can tell his condition has worsened since last time I saw him. He is sitting in the corner, shirtless and half dead looking, his face down to his knees.
"Finn..." I whisper, putting my hand over my mouth. He looks up at me, and as soon as he sees me he puts on a half smile.
"Hey, princess." He says flirtatiously. He tries to get up, but winces at the pain.
"It's okay, Finn. Don't move." I tell him as I head over to him.
"I'm cold", he says. I pull out the long sleeved shirt I brought, and smooth it out.
"I brought you a new shirt", I smile at him. He tries to take it, but I tell him that I'll do it. I put it over his head and pull it through his arms and down his stomach. I can tell he's still cold, so I wrap my arms around him.
"Better?" I ask him, snuggling into him more. He smiles at me, which I take to be a yes
"Thank you", he whispers.
"For what?" I ask him.
"Saving me", he whispers back. After a few minutes, he rests his head on my lap and falls asleep.
~~~~
Finn's POV
I wake up with my head rested on Clarke's lap, her hand running through my hair.
I slowly sit up, really happy that she's still here.
"You're still here", I tell her as a large smile spreads across my face. She smiles back at me, with that adorable smile of hers. Her eyes show pity.
"Do you mind if I check on your wounds?" She asks me. I give her permission.
She lifts up my shirt and runs her hand across my stomach.
"They're infected", she tells me, her face so close to mine that I can feel her breath. "Does it hurt?" She asks.
"Not when you're here." I tell her. I can see her cheeks turn a deep shade of red as she searches through her bag to find what she needs.
I watch her as she gently and carefully applies a cream to my wounds and covers them up with bandages. When she's done, she sits back down next to me, exhausted. We sit in silence for a few minutes before she searches through her bag again and pulls out a bad of meat and berries.
"You need to eat", she tells me, giving me the food. Just the smell of it makes me want to give it back to her; but I eat it, knowing it will make her happy. When I've finally eaten the whole thing, she takes back the bag.
"So how have you been lately?" I ask her, ignoring the pain in my stomach. I'm not going to waste my time with her being sick.
"Worried about you. You're losing weight. The torture is too much. You don't deserve this." She answers.
"Don't waste your time being worried about me, Princess. I'm going to be okay." I whisper.
Her eyes start to tear up. "I can't lose you", she whispers.
"You won't." I tell her. I start to feel my food coming back up, but she knowingly tells me to fight it.
"Finn, you need to keep this food down, okay?" She asks. "For me?" She whispers the last part.
The food is fighting so hard to come back up, but I need to hang on. For Clarke. Tears start streaming down my face now, and I'm not even sure why. My breathing gets faster, and I start to feel a little dizzy.
"Are you okay?" She asks me.
I nod as my breathing returns to normal and my urge to vomit passes.
"I don't want you to ever leave me", I told her truthfully.
"And I don't want to leave you." She responds. She puts her arm around me and kisses my cheek. Her lips are so soft and gentle. It reminds me of the night, one of the first nights we were on earth. Charlotte had just fallen off the ledge, and I couldn't take it. I couldn't take one life lost, but I could massacre a village. That is how much I've changed.
I went into our bunker that night, knocking everything down. She told me that I'm not alone. That was the last time I felt her lips until now. I long to feel her lips against mine again, like two puzzle pieces made for each other.
Maybe one day she'll tell me she loves me back.
Maybe.
She buries her head into my shoulder and closes her eyes, falling asleep.
Maybe one day.
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Hey guys! So what did you think of this chapter? What about the Lexa thing? ;)
I hope to update again soon, but until then, don't forget to vote if you liked it and comment if you have any suggestions! Love ya ;D
~Brie