The Art of Falling Apart (It Girls Series #3)

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Mirae

Dear God,

It's been two months. How have you been there in heaven?

It sounds weird to ask that, to ask how are you, when everything revolves in the palm of Your hands.

Maybe I just don't know what to say or what question to ask for you to respond to me again.

It's been two months. Two months since the last time I felt Your presence. Two months since the last time I felt You're near.

Because right now, God, you feel so far away. Are You there? Can You see me? Do You remember me?

It's me, God... Your Mirae.

I've been feeling empty and sad lately. Eli and I are okay... but what makes me really sad is that You feel so far away. It feels like You left me.

If it's not too much, can I ask You something?

Can I feel You again? Through Your words? Through Your songs? Or through a quote from Pinterest? Or just anything, God... anything where You want to reach me.

I've been missing Your presence, God. I hope I'd feel You again.

With hopeful and longing heart,
Mirae.

I stare at the journal entry that I wrote a week ago... and you know what's depressing? Is that up until now I still got nothing. No response.

I bite my trembling bottom lip as I feel the corner of my eyes beginning to sting.  I put my hand over my chest, trying to check if my heart was still beating because it felt like it already stopped... or maybe my heart left me, too and now I have nothing inside my chest but a hollow and empty hole.

Before I wrote that journal entry, I asked a sign from God.

That if I don't still feel Him for a week... I had to sacrifice...

I look up at the ceiling, my lips beginning to tremble, it feels like there's a hand wrapped around my throat and it makes it so hard to breathe. "Do I really have to do this, God? Was that what You really want?" I ask, hearing my own voice breaks as tears begins streaming down my face.

"I don't want to do it... You know I don't... this is going to break me, God." I cried, clenching my hand against my chest. It's odd that I could still feel my chest aching despite the fact that my heart already left.

I close my eyes as I whisper a sincere bargain. "One last sign, God. If he doesn't come over tonight, then that means I don't have to do it... that means I don't have to experience the pain of losing someone again..." I cried, almost begging Him. Please don't let him come.

Please. Please. Please. Please.

I wipe my tears, collected myself as quick as I could because I have to prepare dinner for Sheryl— because I'm sure that I wouldn't have the appetite to eat tonight.

I went downstairs wearing a shirt and my pajamas from last night. I haven't showered yet. My body feels so heavy to even do basic hygiene.

"Hey," Sheryl greets me. She's in the kitchen, boiling the chicken through the caserole.

I smile at her. "Hello!" I greet back. "Ako na diyan. Sorry hindi ako kaagad nakalabas." Sabi ko at akmang kukunin na sa kanya 'yung kutsilyo para ituloy ang pagchop niya ng carrots pero pumalatak siya.

"Ako na 'to," she insisted. "I'm really trying to learn how to cook for Adrian's birthday." She smiles and I did, too.

"That's just so sweet of you, Sheryl."