PHAN -Save me, please.

Chapter 11

Since the day he first touched Phil, he couldn't stop thinking about this moment. It was as if the world stopped.

Dan had planned this the entire day. It was his way of showing Phil how much he trusted him and hopefully Phil got the clue. But no, it was not only that. There was this feeling that Dan constantly felt inside of him, the feeling of trying to be connected to Phil. Dan wanted to be around Phil 24/7. Even if they won't do anything, just his bare presences made Dan so comfortable. He had never felt so comfortable around another person, not even his family or his ex-boyfriend.

He had always felt this pressure when he was around other people; he always felt the need to prove himself. To prove that he was as capable of certain things as the others, even if he wasn't. Even around his boyfriend he used to feel so anxious, just because he thought he'd make a wrong move every second, which made it kind of impossible to even really enjoy the time they had together. Same thing with his family – he always felt pressured by his parents to be as good as his older brother and he felt pressured by his brother, because he would pick on him from time to time because of his sexuality. So every time Dan even just had to be in the same room as them, he felt tensed the entire time.

But it was not like that with Phil. Since he had first spoken to Phil, the entire seemed to be lifted off of his shoulders. Even if they would just talk with each other, it was always so easy around Phil knowing that he didn't need to fear anything when he was around him. Yet, there were still a few things that Dan didn't trust Phil with. Like the first touch was great and all, but Dan feared that it would escalate too quickly. He feared that when Phil would come visit him today, he would immediately want to hug him or hold hands or come uncomfortably close to Dan.

But Dan wasn't keen on rushing anything. He didn't know what it was, but something made Phil very special to him. And special things needed time to evolve, that was for certain. But on the other hand... what if Phil would be disappointed that he didn't get 'more'. What if he noticed that in the end it was all for nothing and t he thought Dan didn't trust him enough? Dan trusted him more than most people, yet to an extent.

When suddenly someone knocked on the door, Dan jerked backwards. Yet he had become more confident, of course, but every time there was a noise he couldn't help but jerk. It was just a defence mechanism in his body, still from the time he wanted to protect himself from his rapists.

"Hey Dan, it's me, Phil!" Phil said, as he entered the room. Dan immediately relaxed, knowing it was just his companion. As Phil was about to take his seat in his usual chair, Dan spoke up.

"You... You can come closer if you want to..." he said with a nervous voice. Of course he didn't want to rush things, but nevertheless he wanted to tell himself that they were making progress and that wasn't going to happen if Phil would still sit in the same spot he had when they started with everything.

"Ehm... Sure. How close?" Phil asked warily, not wanting to intrude Dan's privacy.

"Just... Sit next to the bed, maybe..." Dan suggested.

Phil smiled. He had wondered the entire day if anything had changed between them. The little touch-thingy that they had yesterday was really monumental for Phil, but he didn't know if Dan felt the same way. Phil didn't want to come in today and immediately hug Dan or crawl into bed with him or anything. He knew how Dan could react if something wasn't going his way and Phil wasn't really eager to lose his trust. But it felt like a huge relief as he noticed that Dan also noticed the progress and was okay with Phil's presence. Still, as Phil took his chair and slowly walked over to Dan's bed, Dan shimmied backwards until his back was pressed completely to the wall, bringing space between them. Now they were sitting completely opposite to each other.