PHAN -Save me, please.

Chapter 19

A/N: Major self-harm warning! I'll put *** at the start and the end so you can skip this part if you need to.

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Dear Dan,

What a day! First of all, I salute to you for your bravery. I could never let someone hug me! I would totally freak out over it!

Dan, no matter what you tell yourself, Phil is a good guy. He would never deliberately hurt you, that is for sure. I may have no idea what his intentions were, but I think you have a good chance of him actually liking you. Why would he initiate a kiss, if it wasn't for actually showing you affection?!

The only advice I could give you is look out for his signals. Does he still care about and try to come closer to you? Or does he just act uninterested? I think body language and behaviour can reveal quite a lot about a person and their intentions, just look out for it. I just hope it turns out nice because I just really want the best for you.

I just want to tell you that I am slowly getting better. Alfie, my companion, helps me a lot. It's not easy to let him anywhere near me (I think you can understand me) but I try my best. Maybe somewhat next week I can come back to the cafeteria for lunch?

Keep me updated and see you hopefully soon!

Love, Zoe.

Dan reread the letter that Scott just brought him 3 times, before he put the piece of paper down. He really missed talking to Zoe lately. Although Dan has always loved being alone and being able to be completely invested in your mind, he realized lately that to have understanding people around is much better. Since he had found Phil and Zoe, he could honestly say that he was somewhat near 'happy'.

And it was an entire different story with Zoe even, because Dan felt like he could just tell her EVERYTHING on his mind, as with Phil he always rethought everything before saying it. Dan thought that was very common that people would be a lot more careful when they're with their crush. The only difference was that these people think that there would be a possible relationship, which wasn't an option with Dan and Phil.

Dan remembered what Zoe had written. How would she know that Phil actually WAS in love with Dan? Maybe she couldn't imagine any reasons why Phil would have done this, but Dan could. Even if he didn't want to, he could just imagine Phil doing all of the things that they did.

Dan just didn't want to relive all of these things because it was the worst that has ever happened to him. He really wanted to believe that Phil was a good guy, just as Zoe said. He wanted to believe that all of his intentions were good and pure and that wouldn't ever hurt Dan. But Dan had learned the hard way that you couldn't trust anybody but yourself.

However, Dan started to question himself why he would even fall in love with Phil if he didn't even trust him?! Maybe Dan knew deep down inside that Phil was in fact a good guy; maybe his soul knew. But his mind obviously didn't know it yet, since he started to get the shivers as he thought about seeing Phil again. On the one hand, he was always very happy seeing Phil, to just talk to him and make some progress, but on the other hand was it really stressful for Dan, especially lately since he always stressed out over what Phil could think of him or if Phil would hurt him. It got to the point, where Dan was so exhausted after Phil's visit that he would immediately fall asleep, as if he had ran a marathon that day.

Zoe also told him that Dan should look out for signals... what signals? Of course, Zoe was a girl, she sure was way more attentive and she would immediately notice even the slightest change in a facial expression. But until Dan read this letter he didn't even know that there were such things as 'signals'. But maybe it was true – if Zoe said so. Maybe Dan could really tell by Phil's actions what he thought and meant, he just had to look closer.