I know it's a mundane thing but I'm really starting to worry about my as results, this is my repeat year already, I mean the results are on the 13th of August , and that day can actually decide my life, if I have the good results I want that means I go on to finish my a levels and assuming they're good that means I go on to do business hopefully at dmu which is only about an hour and a half drive away from my house, so it's not too far away from home but that means I don't see my mum everyday like I'm used to, the only one who will truly stand by me and is always proud no matter what. I have no idea how I'll fit into a new city, a new crowd, or even how I'll be able to afford it without too much debt, the trouble is one half of me wants to stay at home and let nothing change let time stand still, but I also want to move on with my life, have my independence, a good education, a career and them maybe a family, but that involves a drastic amount of change. I mean I did move from Cornwall to Nottingham, not knowing any one, but my mum was there every step of the way, she protected me, helped to transition and grow, no matter how difficult it was for her. But this time, sure she'll be a drive away or even a phone call but it's not the same, she's not gonna constantly be there, I can't just come home any time I feel alone or upset, but then I have to learn to manage on my own, but I do truly depend on her, she's the only constant figure in my life. Family comes and goes as well as friends but not my mum, no matter what she's always waiting on the sidelines for me, no matter what I say or do.
But that's one alternative. If my results are back, which I'm fearing they are after some horrid exams especially geo2, that means I've wasted 2 years of my life and now I'm stuck at home and I have to find a job and maybe go back to college or straight to uni when I'm older and I can afford it, but I fear if I stop, I won't continue and so it's a constant worry, I hate having to wait, I just want my results, so I can know what I have to do with my life and plan it out. I mean if I did fail I could get a job for a year, save up and do a foundation course and then transition to uni. But what if I end up comfortable in a crap job or I lose my passion to really gain what I want.
The problem is.... Is is all what if, either way, when I get my results I'll have something major and life changing to consider.
