The 3rd Experiment

Chapter 22

"Shit!" I yell, pulling my hand away and watching the chips of paint and drywall fall to the ground.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, I don't even know what happened." I say, stepping back and grabbing my hand to rub my now sore knuckles.

"Let's get you back to your room for now." Steve says, grabbing my shoulders and carefully twisting me to face the door.

He walks me back down the hallway and sits with me on the bed when we get back to the room. It looks just the way I left it.

Even with the blankets pulled back and the pillows on the ground, it looks like it would be right at home in an ad for a furniture store.

"I really don't know what happened in there. I just got really flustered and I guess I lost control."

"The last few days have been a lot on you, Raya."

"It's not even that. I don't feel all that different from when I last remember being alive. It's the not knowing what I did. Not knowing why."

I start to zone out, trying to recall moments from my dreams and collect all of my memories from the day I woke up in that strange building.

"I have to keep reminding myself that all of that time has passed. I have to remind myself of who I've been when I was her."

Steve pulls me into his shoulder and I very quickly start to fall asleep against his heartbeat. He stands me up, still supporting most of my weight and he pulls the blankets away. Then he lays me on the bed, almost as if he were tucking me in.

"This is what mom used to do when I wasn't feeling good." He says, making the blankets tight around me. It feels like a hug.

"Who was that woman?"

He finishes adjusting the blanket and sits at my feet.

"That was Nat... Natasha. And the man who was sitting across from Tony, that was Clint. They're actually best friends somehow. They might be the most stubborn and opinionated people I know." He says, and I can tell he's found his people.

"I can definitely agree with that," I say, trying to keep the mood light but all I can think of is the scar on Natasha's hip. I don't want that to have been my fault but deep down, I know it is.

Steve puts his hand on my temple and pushes the hair back past my ears. He still looks strong and stoic, like the last time I saw him but I can tell he's still the same person I grew up with. The way he looks at me brings me back to my childhood.

He stands up and I quickly loosen the blankets so I can grab his hand.

"Don't leave... please," I say, still feeling so defeated from the last few days.

"Of course, Raya." He walks around the bed and pulls the blankets away for himself. I feel the bed move and mold to his shape and I don't feel so drained anymore.

***

As I fall asleep, the world around me changes into one from my past. The room I'm in is saturated with gold, there are elegant staircases throughout and even the lights are dripping with diamonds and stones.

I launch myself over the banister and start to hear the sound of people screaming and deserting. However, my eye-line never strays. I was given a target to put an end to and nothing will get in my way.

I can hear people shooting at me, presumably the security for my target but even that doesn't phase me. My arms move seemingly without any command and I protect myself from harm. Whether it be shooting them or throwing knives into their throats, I dismantle my attackers.

I grab my target by the throat, holding as tightly as possible, and whisper two words into his ear

"Hail Hydra."

With that, he falls limp and rests on the baseboard of the wall.

I turn to my left and notice an onlooker who had watched the whole encounter, I have no choice but to eliminate him as well. I feel my arm reach for my gun, I point it directly between his eyes, and just as I pull the trigger, I wake up.

I shoot up from my comfortable spot on the bed which wakes Steve up in seconds.

I turn to face him and I can't help but tremble in response to the memory I just lived. Tears start to collect in my eyes and all Steve can do is pull me into a hug. He rocks me back and forth until my breathing starts to regulate.

Finally, I'm somewhat calm and Steve can let me go. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

I splash some water on my face and rub my skin hard, thinking maybe that'll wash this memory from my brain. Part of me wants to remember what I've done so I can be better, so I can make amends. But so much of me can't stand to find out what I've done. Who I've become.

I look up into the mirror and see a person I don't even recognize. My eyes resting on heavy bags, worse than when I was pulling all-nighters in college. There is a faint scar on my cheek that goes into my lips and ends on my chin. I don't know where it's from and I probably never will.

I bring my hand up to my face and start to trace the scar with my finger. As I'm relearning my face and remembering what I can of my past, I hear Steve talking outside. It can't be later than 5 in the morning so I'm clueless as to who he's talking to.

I bring my ear up to the door to listen.

"I think she needs to see what happened. She needs to know."

Then there's a block of silence fit for a response but I don't hear anything. I don't remember seeing a telephone in the room but that would be the only explanation for this one-sided conversation.

I leave the bathroom and watch as Steve brings something from his ear to his side. He leaves it there and stands to hug me.

"I'm going to help you, Raya, I promise."