Jayceon Carter | J5
Atlanta, Ga
I hadn't slept right in days.
You'd think that with my pops finally home, I'd be able to rest easy, but that wasn't the case.
My mind wouldn't shut off, the weight of everything pressing down on me.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the baby.
A child that would never exist.
It didn't make sense to me—at first, I was sure I didn't want anything to do with Shay or anything she had going on.
But now?
Now that we had finally put our differences aside, my feelings had shifted completely.
I had called Shay earlier to check on ha, and that's when she told me—she had already gone through with the procedure.
The words hit me harder than I expected, like a punch to the gut.
I felt like I had already failed my child before they even had a chance.
All they needed was my protection, and I couldn't even do that.
Sitting up in bed, I grabbed my phone and saw that Makaylah was no longer on FaceTime.
A text from her sitting in my notification bar.
I think the call failed, baby. Call me back.
She had gone back home to Florida after the court hearing, and even though she had been there for me, even though she listened, it wasn't enough to silence my thoughts.
I checked the time—3:07 AM.
Sighing, I got up, freshened up, and threw on some sweats.
I didn't even know why, but I grabbed my keys and headed straight to Shay's house.
The whole drive there, I kept asking myself why.
Why was I doing this?
It was already done.
Nothing I said or did would change that.
But still, something in me needed to see ha.
When I finally knocked on ha door, I heard footsteps shuffling before the door cracked open.
Shay stood there, squinting at me, ha hair in a bonnet like she had just been asleep.
"Do you know what time it is?" she muttered, arms crossed.
"Yeah," I answered, stepping past ha and into the house like I had every right to be there.
She let out a tired sigh, shutting the door.
"Well, come on in then," she mumbled sarcastically before following me into the living room.
I sat down on the couch, elbows resting on my knees, staring at the floor.
Shay watched me for a moment before finally sitting next to me.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you here so late?"
I rubbed my hands together, exhaling deeply before looking at ha.
"I ain't been right since we—" I hesitated before continuing, "since we decided to get rid of the baby."
Ha expression didn't change, but she shifted slightly on the couch, pulling ha knees up.
"I thought that's what you wanted," she said quietly.
