Paris Carter | RiRi
Atlanta, Ga
The ride back to Atlanta was quiet for me.
Jayden sat strapped in his car seat, babbling away every now and then.
My mom and dad were laughing, passing snacks back and forth and asking how I liked the tour, but I just nodded.
Mumbled a "yeah it was cool" or "I liked the campus."
They didn't push.
I think they could feel it, too—the weight on my chest, like something was sitting there and I couldn't breathe right.
The drive from Albany wasn't even long.
Three hours felt like nothing, but my head was in a whole other place the entire time.
My stomach twisted the closer we got home.
I hadn't even texted Ju to tell him I was back yet.
I couldn't.
I was avoiding it—the talk, the reality, all of it.
I knew he'd come eventually.
I knew him.
I figured laying down and sleeping would make all my problems disappear.
✩✩✩✩✩
Right around 6:48 PM, just as the sun was starting to slip behind the trees, my phone buzzed.
My eyes squinted as I reached and looked at my phone.
Ju: "I'm outside. Come talk to me."
I stared at the message for a long time.
Heart beating like it wanted to rip out my chest.
I stood at my window, peeking through the blinds.
There he was.
Leaned against his car, hands in his pockets like he didn't know what to do with them.
He looked tired.
Not tired like he hadn't slept.
Tired like he'd been carrying the same weight I had.
I didn't even grab a jacket. Just walked out the door, slides dragging, quiet.
He looked up when he heard the screen door shut.
His eyes met mine.
And that was it.
Everything I'd been trying not to feel hit me in waves.
"Hey," I whispered.
"Hey," he said back.
We stood there in the driveway, the cicadas humming and the air sticky from the heat.
He didn't reach for me, and I didn't move toward him.
We just stared for a second, like two people who loved each other too deep to even know where to start.
"You wasn't gon' text me when you got back?" he asked, voice low.
"I ain't know what to say."
He nodded like he understood.
I crossed my arms.
"I didn't come over 'cause... if I saw you first, I was gon' fold. I was gon' act like that phone call didn't happen."
He looked down at his shoes.
"I been feelin' like I lost you already, and you ain't even left yet."
The tears welled up in my eyes instantly.
