Eleanor's P.O.V.
***
I had locked myself in my room and sat in the darkness for about three days know, being unable to find the wits to face anyone after what the Doctor had done. I can't believe that he had done that.. I knew the Doctor was unpredictable but to just up and leave me was absolutely absurd. My hearts had absolutely shattered and I felt as if at times the didn't beat.. It's like now I need him to keep myself alive. Without him I feel like I'm nothing.
I've lost all interest in everything. I haven't eaten in three days as to not feeling the need to. The only time I've left my room was to use the bathroom or take a shower and when I do leave, I always have someone try to talk to me. I've learned to block everyone out, even the knocks at my door don't bother me now.
I've often thought of the time I spent all my regenerations on the Doctor when he got shot by the Cyberman. I think back and realize I only did it because I was scared.. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't stay in that building by myself. I just.. Who am I kidding? I did it because I love him. I always have. I always will..
I heard a knock at my door and I covered my head with my pillow, muffling the sound. I have cried so much that I'll walk into the bathroom and see tears running down my face that I didnt even know I had running down my face. I surprised I haven't grown dehydrated from the lack of fluids in my body. I have also grown used the red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. I've seen it about six times but that doesn't mean I couldn't grow used to it. I grew used to it because I knew this is what my life would be like without the Doctor. This is how I would see myself for the rest of my days.. So. I accepted it.
"Eleanor? Honey?" I huffed as I heard my mother's voice outside my door. "I know you're mad at me but I need to know that you're okay. Can you atleast talk to me about this?" I just ignored her and continued to look out my curtains as I laid on my bed. She didn't know that I wasn't mad at her. I wasn't mad at anyone. Not even the Doctor.. I wanted to believe that I was but, in all truthfulness, I wasn't. Not even a little bit. I was just heart broken.
I really don't hold grudges upon people, I just learn to deal with them. I'm not even mad at River anymore. She can have him for all I care.
"Could you atleast make a sound so I know that you're okay?" I felt my blood begin to boil again, beggining to get annoyed by her persistance. I huffed and picked up a make shift Tardis I had made as a child and chucked it at the door, making it shatter into a million peices.
I heard her gasp and I watched as her shadow slowly made it's way away from the light that shone from the hallway, making it's way into my room. I threw myself back down on the bed and began to sob heavily, hugging my pillow to chest tightly.
I then decided that enough was enough and I walked over to the light, switching it on. It burnt my eyes for a moment before they adjusted. Then I walked over to my closet, picking out a black shirt that looked like the sleeves had been ripped off and then grabbed my black letterman jacket, slipping those on along with black skinny jeans with tiny rips going down both legs.
I then brushed my hair, letting my natural curls fall down my back then shuffled through my make up, putting on foundation with my normal black eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara. Then I slipped on my combat boots and breathed out as I unlocked my door but then walked over to my window, climbing out onto the roof.
I noticed it was evening time, almost dark out. I sighed and climbed down the lattace, looking into the kitchen. I noticed my dad's wallet on the counter and I bit my lip, debating on weather I should take the risk of getting caught while making something to eat in the kitchen or just take some of his money quickly then slipping back out as if nothing happened.
