The Girl No One Knew

Chapter 11

"Get out of here!" Zuko snarled, pulling me behind him. "Don't ever touch her again!" Bao looked as if he had no clue what was happening, like he didn't know how to handle this. When he didn't leave, Zuko shouted again, "Get out!" Finally, Bao left to attend to his duties onboard, glaring at Zuko on his way out.

Zuko turned to me once he was gone. "Are you okay?" He asked me. That made no sense. He knew I was okay. He could see that I was okay. "I can't believe he forced himself on you like that. I promise I'll-"

"Zuko," I shook my head, "he didn't force himself on me. I mean, he sorta did....but not like that. It was-"

Zuko cut me off. "It was unacceptable and completely inappropriate, and it won't happen again." The way he said it, it sounded more like he wanted me to agree with him as a way of reassurance.

"Right," I nodded. "It was....unacceptably inappropriate and it will never happen again." Zuko needed to calm down. His face was as red as his clothing, and he was clearly still upset. "Come on, you need to meditate." He nodded, taking my hand and heading to his quarters.

Walking through the corridor, I looked over my shoulder and caught Bao's eye. "I'm so sorry," I mouthed, giving an apologetic smile. He tried to smile back, but shook his head and turned away to continue his work. Why do things have to get more complicated as we get older?

I sat down on the floor as Zuko lit his meditation candles, then he sat down in front of me and we began our meditating. Closing my eyes after him, I began to steady my breathing. "Did you find your uncle?" I asked.

"You're supposed to be silent during this, Saki," Zuko exhaled. "But, yes, I found him...."

I continued, still not abiding by the "silent" rule. "But you didn't return with him?"

"He, um," he cleared his throat rather awkwardly. "He gave me a reason to let him stay out for a little while longer." Something must've happened, because he sounded extremely uncomfortable. What had happened?

An hour and a half of silence later, I opened my eyes again (I may or may not have fallen asleep while sitting upright in the lotus position) to see that Zuko had left again. I stood up and went back out on deck, though we still hadn't set sail again. I stopped by Bao and asked, "Where's Zuko? I thought we were supposed to be off to Kyoshi Island."

"Your boyfriend is off searching for General Iroh," he snorted, obviously still upset.

"He isn't my boyfriend," I hissed, then took a breath. "I'm really sorry about what happened."

"Don't be," he said, shaking his head. "I should've known not to have feelings for someone like you."

Wow, that....that sounded like a low blow. "'Someone like you'? What is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you know." No, actually, I didn't. "The precious Water Tribe girl, under the protection of Prince Zuko and General Iroh. Seen as a princess in the eyes of those two, and seen as one of our own in the eyes of half of the soldiers and crew on this ship. I had no business kissing you, and it won't happen again."

I wasn't sure how to respond. What if I wanted it to happen again? Did I want it to happen again? "We're still friends, aren't we?" I really hoped we were.

Hesitantly, he nodded. "We are." I wasn't sure I believed him, but I took his word for it. I went back to my quarters and laid on my mat, bending the bowl of water next to me. A lily, a dragon, a penguin, a koi, a sword. I let my imagination control whatever the water became. A rabbiroo, a viper bat, a cloud, a tsungi horn, everything that could possibly come to mind. A volcano, a teardrop, a lightening bolt, the Nations' insignias, Queen Ursa.

Queen Ursa...

When the water took form of her, I couldn't change it. I tried to push her face out of my mind and think of something else - anything else. Nothing worked. My mind was frozen on the thought of her, and so did the water. Floating in front of me, was an ice bust of the Queen, staring right at me with her smile. I jerked my hand back, and it plummeted to the floor and shattered. Then, another feeling washed over me. Or maybe two.

I ran on deck, as far away from the crew and as out of sight as possible. I leaned over the railing and vomited, then cried, and did that on repeat for a good ten minutes. It was completely dark when I had finally calmed down, but I was in no hurry to go back inside. We had finally begun sailing to Kyoshi Island, but I remained where I was. I was a mess - my reflection in the water told me so. I wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt and let my hair down from its very-ruined braid.

"Keeping your feelings bottled up inside will only lead to self destruction," Iroh's voice said from behind me. In normal situations, I'm used to him sneaking up behind me with his words of wisdom. But not this time. I was so disoriented that he'd actually made me jump.

"Sometimes, I wish you'd stop coming up behind me like that," I sighed without looking away from the water, pushing my hair from my face. "How is it that you always know exactly what's on my mind when I'm out here?"

He chuckled, standing next to me. "I did not grow this old by knowing nothing." He must've been trying to get a laugh out of me, but all he got was a weak (and forced) smile - which seemed good enough for him. Iroh didn't try to get me to talk to him about what was bothering me. He never did, and I always appreciated that. He let me stay silent and stare at my reflection, simply comforted by his presence. Finally, he spoke again, resting large his hand on my back. "Perhaps it is time for you to rest." I didn't argue. I was exhausted.

I walked back below deck. I didn't want to sleep alone tonight. Not tonight. I went straight for Zuko's quarters (something I hadn't done in quite a while) and laid next to him without saying a word. Just as I laid my head down, Zuko rolled over so he was facing me. "Sing to me," he whispered, sounding like his kid-self. When we were younger, and still living in the palace, we would take turns singing each other to sleep. The last time we had done so, he was singing to me.

I guess it was my turn.

"Leaves from the v-"

"No," he shook his head. "Not that one. The one from your tribe. The one you said your grandmother had taught you."

"Zuko, that lullaby is for little girls."

"I don't care," he said. "I want to hear it."

I sighed a bit, closing my eyes and whispering the lullaby softly:

"Little lotus, drifting in the water.
Gently floating through the waves,
Slowly going further.
Little lotus, flowing off somewhere.
Soft hands lift the fragile flower,
And place it in a lovely girl's hair."