Letting you go [COMPLETE]

Epilogue

Final chapter of this book. :'( 

Thank you to everyone whose read my book, regardless of whether or not you've voted. Almost five thousand people...that's more people than I know in real life.

So, a huge, thank you!

READ ------> (it's really, really important!). Between now and the last chapter there's been a huge time skip. Also, during the book Alyssa and James also did the deed (if you can't figure it out, then I'm lost xD). The time frame didn't allow me to write it in and I didn't want to write it either. So, just pretend it was implied or something. <----- half of this won't make sense if you haven't read this....

As always, unedited.

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Ten years later . . .

The graves remains the same as they were ten years ago, only now there's more flowers, most of the plants overground. Every year, on the anniversary of their deaths, I bring fresh white roses, placing them right in front of his grave.

It's always white roses, never anything different. And it will remain white flowers until I can't lay them over the grave anymore.

Over time, the words have faded but there still the same. His photo has withheld the pressures of being outdoors, the same innocent, boyish grin on his face, blue eyes bright. It's a face I've never forgotten, even to this day.

A face I'll never forget.

The face of the beautiful boy I'd fallen in love with all those years ago, hard and fast. Everything about him . . . I'd fallen in love with all of it.

The way he'd laughed silently, the sound somehow the best thing I'd ever heard. The way he'd held me close, unafraid to say what he wanted to say. The way his eyes used to light up when he saw me.

The fact that he was my first boyfriend, first kiss . . . first love.

In the years since, I've learned to let go of the guilt, just like Catherine had said, all those years ago, just after the funeral. It's been a hard journey but I've succeeded, helping James' mum along the way.

The progress I'd made had completely disappeared, crashing into nothing but burnt hope, the following year after his death. I'm a miracle according to the doctors, but I don't see it the way they do.

I beat the cancer. Even after ten years the cells have never come back. After a year of being cancer free, dad had finally decided the risks of the transplant weren't as high. We'd argued over the money for moths afterwards, but he settled the argument.

"As long as you're safe and healthy, I don't care how much it costs," he'd whispered, arms wrapped around me.

Winning the fights had been bitter sweet. James hadn't been there to celebrate the victory with. I didn't get the chance to tell him, see him grin at me. To this day, he doesn't know. Every year I come to the grave I tell him everything that's been happening, how everyone misses him.

But I don't think he hears any of it.

Sometimes I feel him there, feel the presence of someone watching me. It feels like him. In those moments, I see his face, the smile he always had. I feel his arms wrap around me, holding me close.

The nightmares are the worst. I wake up thinking he's there . . . then I realise he's not. It's just my imagination. I feel arms around me and I think it's him. I stare at The End of Us and remember him bringing to the hospital, days before his tragic death.

Since his death, I've never been able to read the book again. Looking at it, is physically painful and I can feel my heart threaten to shatter every time.

Nothing feels the same—at least nothing I'd done with him.

Without James there's parts of me I miss. And it will always remain that way. I don't feel whole.

"Mum!"

Slowly, I turn, forcing a smile.

If someone had told me that ending up pregnant at 16 would turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to me, I'd have laughed in their face. A month after James had died, I'd found out. That night, I'd cried, feeling ashamed and terrified.

Now, I no longer view it the same way. Jamie Ellen Adams is a part of James that I can keep with me forever. Finding a name had taken hours of deliberation, but I'd settled on Jamie.

Every time I look at her, I see her father. It's in the way her eyes are bright blue, blonde hair always messy. It's her sweet grin, exactly the same as his. At only eight, she's inherited his intelligence.

She's also half deaf.

It's never bothered her. She's just taken it in her stride, never letting anything get her down. Strong, resilient . . . beautiful. She epitomises her father in every way.

"Mum!"

"Yeah, honey?" I whisper, holding my arms out. She leans against me, looking towards the grave.

"I saw a frog. It ran away when I tried to catch it . . ."

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. We all lose things."

Her thumb reaches out, wiping a tear from my eye. "You're sad," she whispers.

"I'll be okay tomorrow," I whisper. "I promise."

She nods, before looking at picture on James' head stone. "Can you tell me about daddy?"

The question comes as a shock, but I recover quickly.

Then I tell her. And I don't leave anything out, speaking with a rough voice.

By the end of it she knows everything. The ups and downs. The trip to the city. The moments where he annoyed me so much I had to laugh. His moments of stupidity that only made me love him more. The love he gave me when I didn't think I'd ever find it. The time he visited me in the hospital.

She hangs on every word, ignorant to the tears that fall from my eyes.

By the end of it, she knows the love of my life. She knows her father.

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It's over :( My first ever completed book. Normally, I get to three chapters and get bored, but I finished a whole story! Anyway....

I hope you liked it.  Was it too short? Too rushed?

The ending was depressing I know, but I couldn't see it any other way. You can't stand a book with cancer and end on a fairy tale, miracle ending. It just doesn't happen. So, I'm sorry for that. 

She got someone else in the end though!