Love Yourself So No One Has To

Chapter Eight

That night, the show was spectacular. Jeff had done an amazing job with the lights- they flashed and spun, and throughout the show he managed to spell ATL, FAG, and DIK (the latter causing a long discussion about his spelling.)

I think Alex went all out and tried to make it extra special for Hazel, seeing as it was her first show back with the ATL B&C, as the dressing room said. He even called her up on stage during Dear Maria.

“Hustlers! Say hi to my less-than-official daughter, Halo Gaskarth!”

The crowd had gone wild. Even though the documentary had never aired, people still knew who Hazel was- and loved her. She'd told me stories of bumping into fans in California and having them ask for her autgraph.

“Strangest feeling in the world” She'd laughed.

It had never happened to me. I wasn't sure whether I wanted it to.

We walked around the city like tourists, Matt with his camera out to photograph and film every moment. It was a habit of his, to be honest I liked it.

“Pommie!” Rian called, running up to me with a gleaming smile. “Pose!”

I giggled as he threw his arms around me, “Cheese!”

Rome was gorgeous; I considered briefly the possibility of me moving there when I was older. Although it would mean I'd have to learn Italien, and languages weren't my forte.

“I love Europe” Hazel told me as we walked back to the bus. “It's so different. It's just spectacular.”

“I like it too” I smiled, glancing up at the sky. Dinner had been a long event so it was dark now, with stars twinkling above us. Continuous as the stars that shine and twinkle along the milky way. I'd never liked that poem particularly; Wordsworth was a genius, but I'd learned it in every grade, and seen a poster of it in every foster facility I'd been to. I was pretty sick of it, but something about being in such a foreign place brought it back to me, as a positive thought now. “It's so...” I hesitated, trying to find a word worthy of this place.

“I know” Hazel said understandingly, “I think so too.”

Alex and Jeff were sitting in the back lounge when we got on the bus, watching The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

“It's just starting if you want to sit down” Jeff offered. I shook my head and headed to my bunk, while Hazel sat down beside Alex. He immediately grinned and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer to him. She snuggled into him.

The next morning there was no show, but instead we were preparing for a long drive to France. It would take a few hours, so before we left there were a few trips to the grocery store to increase our supply of beer, pizza rolls and poptarts. Then it began.

The morning started out alright. I awoke in my bunk, a tune without lyrics- a song I couldn't recall the name of- played in the back of my head. I hummed it as I got dressed.

Hazel and Alex were still curled up asleep in the back lounge. I chuckled at the sight of them, and glanced at Jack. He was sitting indian-style on the floor, wearing nothing but boxer-briefs and a Baltimore Ravens hoodie, his brown orbs staring at the tv. I was surprised to see that Home Alone wasn't playing, instead it was some nature documentary.

“Matt left it on” Jack explained sheepishly when he noticed me looking at him, “Did you know otters hold hands when they sleep so that they don't float away from each other. So sweet.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Has anyone made anything for breakfast yet?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe. You can have some of my Cookie Crisp if you want.”

I smiled. “Thanks Jackie” I mumbled.

Our kitchen on the bus was made up of a microwave oven, a mini fridge/freezer, a few cupboards and a slide-out shelving unit. Jack's cereal was already on the counter, so I poured it into a bowl and added some milk.

“Morning Pommie” Rian said, without looking up from his phone. I assumed he was texting Cassadee.

“Hey, Ri” I replied, sitting down beside me. He glanced up. “You look tired.”

“I am” I said honestly.

“You should go outside, get some fresh air. We'll be leaving soon, and you won't be able to get any then.”

I nodded. Grabbing my jacket, I went outside, and found myself with a smile on face. The sun was blossoming amongst blue meadows, which made me undeniably happy.

“This is summer” I whispered to myself, and began to walk.

Where we'd parked was surrounded by shops and buildings, and according to my personal dictionary that didn't count as fresh air, I walked until I found a green space. 'Villa Borghese' the sign read, followed by untranslatable Italian. Still, it looked safe enough, especially this early. I went inside, and was immediately in awe of its beauty.

The rich green looked even better in the morning sunlight. I was almost skipping as I followed the path, admiring the ponds and fountains and statues as I passed them. Eventually, I began to wander off the path, following a line of trees. I stopped awkwardly when I saw a figure ahead of me.

The rest of the park had been pretty full- I assumed it was a popular toursit attraction- but here it seemed empty, apart from me and her.

She sat with her back to me, clutching her knees to her chest. She sat on a patchwork blanket which was spread over the grass. It looked old, handmade. Her hair was an artificial red, cut messily around her shoulders, stiff and reeking of hairspray. Even in this weather, she seemed to lack in clothes, and wore only a pair of denim shorts and a cheap t-shirt.

“You can sit, you know” She said, breaking the silence. I jumped, having not realising that she knew I was there.

I walked closer to her, and sat awkwardly beside her.

“Hey” She said, turning to me.

It was near impossible to determine an age, but I could guess that it was near mine. Her face was thin and caked with make-up, although it did nothing to cover the bags under her eyes. Even so; she was pretty.

“Hi” I replied.

“I didn't think I'd see you again.”

I frowned. “I don't think-”

She laughed, interrupting me. “Oh, I don't know you. But we were on the same flight. From Baltimore, remember?”

I bit my lip, but then nodded slowly. “Oh yeah” I murmured.

“So, what's your name?”

“Pommie” I replied, then regretted as I saw her face. She glanced at me warily, as if to say Are you for real? Her nose turned up in disgust, and I began to feel sick.

“Some people call me Ana.” I offered, a white lie. I was unsure of why I was so eager to please this girl.

“Ana” She repeated, then nodded like I'd passed some sort of test. What was this surge of relief flooding through me?

“What's yours?” I asked.

She paused. “Maria” She said dubiously.

“Maria?”

“Maria.” She smiled.

A/N- To those of you who are reading this after about six months of me not updating, thank you SO MUCH. I'm sorry for not putting this up sooner, and for it being so short. On another note, I have an ask.fm (ask.fm/HaloGaskarth) so you can lecture/threaten me anonymously!