Sunset Miracles (temp on hold)

Chapter 6

 As I kicked back on my seat, the memories of how long I spent in here with Joel came back at full force. His evil smirk plagued my mind, plagued with how happy I thought he was, but instead he was evil. It showed remembrants of how someone could be so deceiving. I wonder how he could be so diligent in how he worked things. And why me? Why did he want to hurt me?

It hadn't crossed my mind before, of how someone could be so controlling. Sitting here thinking made me realise that I was just being controlled the whole relationship. I was his puppet and he was my master. He was the one holding the strings, giving me the directions of what to do. I still remember the way he told me to dress. And I know I told Blake and Beth that I didn't know anyone named Joel, but sitting here, in this dingy office, has made me realise that I'm always one to let people control me.

It's hard sometimes though, to let go of how you lived your life. I know that much. I know how hard it is to let people in and let them be my friend. But, I'm guessing that's because I was bullied for so long by everyone around me. I often felt like life was dragging me down but now I realise that it's because I let people control me. I was their puppets, someone who wouldn't listen to my own mind, someone who just called themselves something else.

I knew I had to get out of this office, away from the memories but I just couldn't bring myself to get away from everything. Sitting here remembering the man I supposedly fell in love with, gave me something to remember. It gave me a sense of being able to remember the way I was meant to be controlled and how things were meant to pan out. It gave me a sense of normality, except, I was never going to have normality. I was never going to be able to remember things the way I used to. Not when I was questioning every motive I've came up with. Of how I was questioning the motives of someone and everyone close to me. I pushed away my own brother because he lied to me about Naomi. But I should've known. Naomi was a bitch and everyone knew that. She only ever thought of herself. I'm just sort of surprised that she's still got her children.

The article was plaguing my mind. Making me wonder whether I'd gotten it right or not. Whether it was subtle enough or if it was absolute rubbish. Yes I said to my brother a while ago that I didn't want anyone to know my side of the story and what happened to me but I included that, because it's true, you don't know what anyone's like these days. You don't know whether they're going to be helpful or down right abusive.

"One thing," Andy started, bursting into my office. "This article is freaking perfect. So much so that's it's getting a bigger spread. What made you say about your abuse?"

"Thank you. And, I began this article when I was healthy and "normal" and "in-love" but I can't remember them, and love just isn't collectively all about finding the "one," it's about sibling love and family love too. So, I just thought to include it, since I couldn't actually understand what I was meant to be writing," I responded. "I included my abuse because I thought; 'oh hey, let's include something that makes me a downright bitch!' I'm joking obviously, but no, I included it because I felt like it was a factor to include in finding yourself in love. Or feeling like you are. As people can be deceiving. You could see that someone is perfect for you but they could have a dark side."

"Is that why you're scared to get close to Miguel? I know that's who you meant in the article."

"Partially, yes. I just feel like everyone's out to get me, even though they aren't. It sounds stupid, I know. But I can't get over what happened to me. Everyone hid it from me, the state of the accident, and it's killing me inside. It's killing me because if he lied to me, how many more times will he lie to me? I just can't fathom the mindset he was in to do that me."

"I don't know how you must be feeling due to you having amnesia but, Niamh, not everyone is going to be the same as Joel. Not everyone is going to hurt you at every chance they get. We know you're struggling with reality but you're not fighting alone," she said, sitting on a chair.