》natasha《
These past few days have been brutal. I can't and I don't know what to do or feel. Michael left a last week from my house because they have to go to another cities besides, I need some time alone. Him being with me, just makes me feel weak and vulnerable- I don't like it at all. I want to feel strong and care-free like before. I don't want to fall in love because love is stupid.
Avoiding Michael is the only way I can feel good about myself again and to stop thinking about him.
Here's why I don't want to feel if I ever in a relationship:
1. I have to feel beautiful and confident.
2. He will look into my eyes and that's when I started to look away or avoid it.
3. I don't know how to express my feelings or open up to anyone.
4. I have to get along with his friends and family which is a problem because I have thing minor phobia of meeting new people or I called it stranger.
5. I don't really like contact or physical touch. It makes me feel weird and vomit.
6. He will want to do it at some point and I'm pretty sure I'll run or punch him in the face.
7. I'm a very complicated girl and never had a boyfriend- I have high expectations of what "boyfriend material" that I want.
8. I'm scared to talk to boys, even look at them.
9. I like to be alone and be independent. I don't want to depend on other people that all I know will crushed me at the end.
10. I'm scared of the feeling of being in love with someone - I will look desperate or maybe needy or maybe annoying.
End of discussion,
I'm afraid of falling in love.
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there ya go, the stupid update. Sorry, huge exam that will lead me to the university is coming up and I think I'm failing.
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Nat.
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Fanfiction"i won't give up on you" "it's wasting your time." "but it'll be worth it." a story of a boy from the most famous band in the world met a girl who doesn't even know his existence. ©perksofmcfly /2014
