You will know

Away, Im Going Away

Arizonas POV:

"Kiss me, touch me, screw me" Callie moaned and panted as I left remains of lipgloss trailing down her neck to her beautiful bronze belly button, the trail stopped, I forced myself to pause and ask "are you shure?", I blinked and I was perched on a sofa, not my sofa, but not a strangers either.

     I looked to my left and saw Callie, she begun crying and rambling something I couldn't hear. As quickly as I appeared, I vanished, and with another blink I was packing a suite case and leaving our house, both of us with tears in our eyes as Callie explained to Sofia where I was going. Away, I was going away.

     "Mom! mom? Mommy get up, it's time to get up mommie!" My eyes cracked open and carefully took note of my surroundings, I expected to have been thrown into another terrible moment of my past, but instead I saw pink, lots of pink.

     "Sofie?" I asked still mostly sleeping, " yup mom", then I realized she was covered in blush, my blush... We have had this problem before, Sofia's been stealing stuff from us, and from the kids at daycare. I get paged at least once a day telling me Sofia's taken another kid's toy, or their snack, once she even took a little boys shirt!

     Every time I'm paged I pull her out into the hallway and administer my usual, predictable lecture. "Sofia, what did I tell you? Your a tiny human, tiny humans listen to their tiny human makers Rules! You know our rule is not to steal. SO DON'T STEAL!", then we would kiss and hug and she would skip back into daycare and I would go about my work Until I was summoned by the teachers again.

     It's been a week since the mommies and me day at the baby's daycare, Callie and I haven't spoken a word since. She dropped Sofia off but we literally haven't said a word the whole freaking week. I need her to talk to me, I didn't realize I needed her voice until it was ripped away from me but I do, my body craves her laugh, and the way she holds out the vowels in words when she's being the smart ass that she usually is.

     My subconscious needs her too, ever since we officially separated last year I've had dreams, and not the hot steamy lesbian shower scene dreams. They replayed the parts of my relationship that I screwed up.

     A few months ago I had a nightmare that consisted of me watching myself cheat of Callie with Lauren, I watched the whole thing but my body couldn't move, I couldn't speak. My subconscious forced me to replay all my marital fuckups, and trust me, it really sucked.

     It was lunch time and Sofia and I were reading on her kindle when the door bell rang. I knew who it was, setting my hand on Sofia's head I explained that I was going to get the door. "Hey baby momma" Kepner squeaked as she hugged me and raced over to Sofia to give her a kiss.

     She's great, April and I are pretty close. We hang out and watch movies and bake, she's an amazing person. Even though her feelings about my life choices are apparent she has never uttered a word against my completely out in the open Lesbian lifestyle.

     "Hey bitch!, ur early but whatever! Callie will be here in a few minutes and then we can go!" I explained as I studied the room, trying to find my bracelet. "Lemme just finish getting ready babe" I said as I disappeared from the living room and emerged in my bedroom.

     Looking down on my dresser I searched through my pile of gold and silver, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the bracelet. "There it is! Took long enough", I sassily said to myself. I lifted the gold out of the pile and found that it was tangled in a bunch of other jewelry. It took me a while but I eventually untangled all but one of the culprits attempting to steal the gold piece. While trying to put it on I became aware of the shiny diamond the bracelet was tied around, my wedding ring.

     I'm usually good about holding myself together at times like these but the finding of the ring combined to the ordeal last week, my eyes felt full and begun to empty, forcing streams down my cheek.

     "Robbins, door" April explained as she collected toddler shoes and begun shoving Sofies cute little feet into them. "K thanks" I said, while I fixed my hair, plastered my infamous smile on my newly prepared face, and opened the door.

     "Sofia! Hey baby" Calliope wailed and ran to hug our daughter. She reached out for the toddler and swung her onto her perfectly sculpted hip. I couldn't help myself, I knew I was staring, fantasizing about world where I had enough self esteem to look into her eyes, caress her cheek and press her lips to mine. I wanted so badly to force my fantasy into a reality but anyone that knows me could testify to the fact that I would never be able to do that, especially not after what I had done to her.

     It wasn't until Sofia hugged me and kissed my cheek that I realized I had been staring at Callie the entire time she was here, I looked around but the curvy Latina was no where to be found. Sofia ran out of the doorway and onto the pavement where she and Callie held hands and skipped to the car. I watched until my view of my ex wife's perfect ass was interrupted by shiny orange locks of newly curled hair.

     "You do realize how obvious you were right?" April asked while she closed the door, separating me from the two people I loved the most. "Ugh you don't know what ur talking about! I'm totally chill, like totally chill." I insisted, even though in the back of my mind I knew I had made a complete ass if myself in front of the woman I'm trying to get to notice me.
  
     Whatever! If she felt what I did in the circle last week were gonna be doing a lot more than noticing each other. I'm just not shure how far into the future that will be, and if it will be reality or another one of my late night fantasies...

     "Let's go, the movie will take your mind off of it." April chirped while pulling me toward the door. "Yea ok" I chuckled, hoping she was right. April and I drove to the movies and took our seats during a freaky trailer about a grandma slaughtering her gran kids.

     "How is being a first responding trauma surgeon in the real action?" I whispered, hoping the sudden change in topic would put my Callie thoughts to rest. "Honestly, it's hard on Jackson, I get it I do but I don't know if I could go again." She continued "I don't think he could take it again." She explained. Good thing she realized that because that's what everyone else has been thinking, but nobody has explicitly said anything to her. "I'm shure everything's gonna be ok" I reassured her, the movie begun and we slumped in our seats and drifted off into fiction.
    
     "And then I was like, can someone hand me the damn wire!" April laughed, slurring her words. We decided to go to Joe's after the movie, determined to wash all our issues away with alcohol. "Ape, that is so... So ... Funnyey ey!" I shouted while waving the bartender to our seats.

     "Can I get you ladies anything to drink?" He smiled, obviously noticing our impaired judgement he removed the set of keys from Aprils wrist and poured us each another round. "One, six, ten!" We counted as we threw back our heads, allowing the amber syrup to flow down our throats.
     
     My back hurt a little, I stuck out my hand, attempting to gain leverage to lift myself up from the... Floor, I was on the floor. "Morning sleeping beauty" a familiar woman yaked. I soon realized it was Cristina, who was in Seattle since the funeral. Glaring at her I forced myself up and took stock of my surroundings.

     We seemed to be at some kind of hotel I guess, judging from the newly made beds and suitcases. Cristina yawned and explained, "I found you two at Joe's bar last night and the bartender took ur keys so I figured you would rather stay in my hotel room than one of the bar booths." She was sarcastic but also matured, she was an older version of the Cristina we knew before Derek's death.

     Carefully trying to comprehend her words I repeated them over to myself. "Two of us?" Then I realized, Kepner. I tried to stand up but fell back down on my ass onto something kinda, boney. "Robbins what the fuck man!" April barked at me. She grouched a little, complained about her very obvious hangover and fell back asleep hugging a bath towel shaped like an elephant.

     "Yang, I haven't seen u since the... Well it's been a few weeks." I begun. Funeral, I was going to say funeral but halfway out I realized that wasn't gonna help. I tried again to lift myself up and to Cristina's surprise I was a success.

     The blunt taste of liquor lined my taste buds so I decided to brush my teeth. "Dude you look like crap" Yang snorted as she poured a cup of coffee and begun to prepare it.

     While I was in the bathroom I heard a blaring beep that screwed with my hand eye coordination and forced me to stick the toothbrush halfway inside my nose. It took me a second but my newly sobered brain realized the beep was a pager.

     Cristina yelled, "I gotta go so imma drop u guys home" and she transferred her coffee into a portable cup and forced a brush through her hair.

     Cristina dropped April home and I took a cab to mine. I got 'home', which was really just a crappy little house that I refused to fully move into. I guess I am home, this is my home now.