Chapter 16- Internal conflicts
After arriving home, all Layla wanted was to bathe…wash away her sins. Bath water didn’t have the power to erase her mistakes, she knew that, the only way to fix things was turn her back on her past and forgive herself to get rid of the guilt within. But forgiving others was easier than forgiving oneself, she was her own harshest critic and worst enemy.
As she lay in a freshly drawn bath, negative thoughts invaded her mind. They were all concocted from her personal insecurities and emotional baggage. She craved an escape from the feeling of not being good enough, perhaps if she realized her worth then she would learn to carry herself with the self-dignity that every woman should have. Instead of depending on the approval and acceptance of a man, Layla knew that she should be the one to do the reassuring for her own peace of mind rather than putting the burden on another.
She intentionally slipped under the surface of the water just to listen to the sound of underwater silence, a relief from her neurotic state. She stayed still as she held her breath while lying flat on the bottom of the tub; Layla closed her eyes and was grateful for a moment where she wasn’t criticizing her own character.
“Just let it go…” She demanded from herself, referring to the negativity. She said it over and over until she finally grasped it. As she rose from the water, she left the self-destructive thoughts below. She wasn’t into the whole self-pitying bit, it was depressing and it wasn’t who she Layla wanted to be. Whatever happened, happened and no matter how much she wished she could take back things in her life, it wasn’t possible so why dwell on it any longer?
Layla admitted to acting rash and childish when overdoing it with the drinking and the stranger, but they were mistakes that she learned from. She would have to get used to the idea that Roxbury would be seeing someone, he wasn’t hers to claim. He was interested in her for business purposes, taking her photos for his employer was his whole reason for approaching her. Layla decided that she would try to put away the jealousy and stay focused on the opportunity that he was offering her; she didn’t want to ruin potential success over silly thoughts of a romance. Professionalism was her goal when it came to her working relationship with Roxbury…but this would be something better said than done.
Layla emerged from the bathroom once she had dried and dressed for bed. She started walking to the kitchen for some water as she rubbed her wet hair with a towel. She saw Natasha sitting on the end of the counter listening intently to whoever was on the phone with her. As Layla took a drink from a water bottle, Natasha hung up and looked at her quizzically.
“Who’s Roxbury?” Natasha asked her.
Layla couldn’t help but choke on the water she was gulping down. Just to hear his name caught her instant attention.
Once she could stop coughing, she replied to her. “He’s that photographer I told you about, why?”
“Why is he calling my phone looking for you? He sounded concerned, you should call him back.” She urged.
It was then that Layla remembered that she had turned her phone off as she went on her destructive binge. “I forgot to turn my phone back on after the other night. I’ll call him.” She assured Natasha.
Layla finished her water then went off to their room once Natasha left for a night of work. She lay down in the bed with her phone in her hand, debating on whether to call him or not. Possible conversations ran through her head, she tried to imagine what her responses might be. She didn’t want to lie but the truth was ugly. What would her excuse be that her phone wasn’t on and what would she say if he knew that she missed work because of her emotional state?
Maybe she could just play coy and act like she didn’t know her phone was on and that she hadn’t gotten the message that he called for her. At least it would give her time to think up a believable excuse. It’s not like she could openly admit that she was jealous that he was having lunch with another woman instead of her and that’s why she got piss drunk and partook in oral sex with a stranger…no way would she ever tell anyone what she did and why she had done it because in all honesty, she didn’t owe anyone an explanation.
Layla figured that she would see him tomorrow if he chose to get a cup of coffee anyway, so she made the decision not to call tonight. She was nervous to see him, nervous of what he had to say. She wanted to be rid of her curiosity towards him, maybe then she could finally stop thinking of him in an erotic manner. She fell asleep thinking of how the next day might play out.
As the morning came, her heart pounded when she heard the beeping noise coming from her clock. Layla’s nerves were on edge as she knew that it was a strong possibility that she would come face to face with Roxbury in a couple of hours once the sun was out. She got ready just as she did any other day with the exception that maybe she spent an extra minute or two applying makeup…and maybe she sprayed a mist of perfume that she had gotten compliments on before. But it was just a normal day at work, that’s what she said to herself anyway.
She got to work on time so she had a minute to apologize to Sean for not showing up for her shift. Layla told him that she was sick and that her phone wasn’t working right. He seemed to believe her enough, she still had a job and quickly got to it as the work day started.
She fulfilled the orders of her customers but she was waiting for a certain customer in particular. The one that had unintentionally put a spell on her, the one that she craved to know more about, and the one that she had to hide her premature feelings for…might he cure her curiosity?
