What The Water Brings In

9

Again I was left by myself in the big, maze-like hospital. Typically I had issues with privacy at home and at school. One of the boys was always in my company, never leaving me alone. For the most part, I didn't mind. Most of my teenage years was spent in solitude, whether I was in my bedroom by myself or walking through the woods. Having someone constantly around was a pleasant change to that lonely lifestyle. Especially in light of the recent problems with Mr. McCoy trying to stalk me, my boys were my safety net, always vigilant in keeping me safe. Occasionally, I felt as if I was a burden on them with always needing to plan around who was going to babysit me. I sometimes found myself wanting for a few moments with no one else around, both for their sake along with mine.

Now that I found myself alone, my mouth stretched open to try and get my foot inside. The fairy tale moral 'Be careful what you wish for' came to mine. I was willing to say or do anything to have my one of the boys next to me right in that moment.

The pity party needed to stop. I had a mission to accomplish, and failure was not an option. Resolve coursed through me, and I was determined to make a plan and execute it for Sean's sake.

The question was...where to start?

My own recent epiphany came to mine. I was in Sean's shoes not that long ago, but I steeled myself to face my demons for the sake of moving forward. Mr. Blackbourne had requested of me over breakfast to ask my stepmother if she knew who my birth mother was. At first, I refused. The thought of delving into the past scared me, and I selfishly wanted to simply focus on the future and how I could join the Academy alongside Kota and the others. Yet Lilly said the Academy was going to dig up my past if I was to join anyways, so it was best if I found out for myself first. In my situation, I needed to confront my past in order to confidently approach the future.

Part of my past was in one of these hospital rooms. I visited my stepmother once after I resolved to do whatever I could to help Mr. Blackbourne investigate my origins, but that approach wasn't successful. I did a good job to not think about my stepmother the entire time I was in the hospital until now. Now, my usual paranoia that she could hear me, or come around the corner to drag me by the hair to sit on a stool for hours, coursed through me. Were there enough nurses to keep tabs on her and in in her room? Or was I going to accidentally bump into her in the hallway? Suddenly, I wanted to sneak down to the windowless office that smelled like the boys. That was a safe place for me to hide and stay out of trouble.

Except if I hid, I would not be able to help Dr. Sean. Was I coward? Or was I his friend? I couldn't be both.

I was neither. I wasn't a coward, and I was more than a friend. I was Sean's kazoku. Family. That trumped everything. A quick self-pep talk reminded me that my stepmother made herself abundantly clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. Even if we did meet in the hospital hallways, she was not a factor in the current situation. I couldn't let my demons get in the way of my mission. If my stepmother did try to become my problem again, then Dr. Sean was a redline away. I had faith he would still help me, even if he was off kilter with Jacking on his mind.

So to step into the future with Dr. Sean, I had to first conquer his past. His past was allegedly Jackie. I needed to learn more about Jackie. If I learned more about her first, I could help him ease into the knowledge. One of us could be the calm, the rock, as the other fell into the shock of learning this new information. I could support him when he found out for himself.

From there, we plan out the future we want and strive for it. Just like I'm striving to be Academy alongside my boys.

With this newfound determination, I confidently backtracked down the hall to room 367.

Too much thought and effort went into the two knocks upon the door. Nervousness made me not want to strike either too hard or too soft. I didn't want to put Jackie on the defensive, but I wanted her to have the warning that I was entering.