When My Life Changed

Chapter Ten

I spend the whole weekend in solitary. I don’t leave my room for any longer than necessary. I sleep, listen to music and cry. I don’t feel as bad now that I’m away from school, but I dread going back.

It’s Monday morning and I’m throwing a hissy-fit about going to school. First Carol comes and shakes me awake, then mum comes in and starts telling me that I have to get up and go to school. I’m not allowed to stay home unless I’m sick. She threatens to take away my iPod and ban me from the TV and the computer. Eventually I give in and go. I put on foundation to hide my black-rimmed eyes that I got from crying.

When my bus arrives at the school I don’t head straight to the locker bay like I usually do. Instead I hide in a cubicle in the girl’s toilets. I’m at school now so I force myself not to let go. It’s all about acting, I tell myself. I’m another person. Another person whose life is perfect and free of disasters.

The bell tolls, signalling for the start of class. I check my appearance before walking casually to my locker. I’m paranoid that everyone’s talking about me, whispering rumours that aren’t true, and I struggle to keep my cool. I’m at my locker for no longer than a minute before Benji comes up behind me. I allow myself to smile for him.

“Hey, Lavina,” he scratches his head awkwardly.

“Hi,” I say back, surprised that my voice isn’t shaking.

“Listen, I think it’s best if I tell you now, before you get hurt.” My smile instantly fades. Words like this always mean bad news. “The other day, when I…it was a dare. My friends dared me to ask you out and I thought that you would say no so I accepted.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I want to scream and yell at him that this isn’t true, that it’s a lie and we’re meant to be together. But I have to believe him. He knows what happened, not me.

“Now, you’re a nice girl, and I don’t want to hurt you, so I’m calling it quits here and now, before any damage is done,” he stops talking and tries to think of something else to say. When he can’t think of anything he simply says “See ya.”

Tears form in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. There are over a hundred students around me. I’m not sure what they’d think. I’m not sure what they heard. I instantly turn to my locker and sort through my things, making it look as if I’m just cleaning my locker out. I won’t let them see me this weak. I will be strong.

…

The bell saying class has ended goes off. Everyone else will be going to recess now. I’m already in the garden. I hope no one comes around. I don’t want to be found. I just wagged class which is something I’ve never done before.

I hunch deeper into my school jacket when I hear someone coming. Please don’t be a teacher, I think desperately.

“What’s happened to make you come early? I wasn’t expecting you until lunch,” Jake said softly.

“He dumped me. He only asked me out because it was a dare,” I whisper, tears beginning to stream down my face again. I don’t know why I’m confessing this to a complete stranger. There’s just something about him that I trust. I mentally slap myself for trusting.

“Ah,” he raises his head and stares off into the distance for a moment. “Did you wag?”

I shamefully nod my head. He sits next to me in the garden, leaves poking into his legs.

“Well, if I’m going to see so much of you, perhaps I should know your name,” he says kindly.

“Lavina.”

“So pretty,” he whispers. I can hardly hear it. “My name’s…”

“Jake,” I interrupt. He snaps his head around and looks at me in the eye.

“How did you know that?”

I sigh, remembering the day. “I was kidnapped by a few of the boys in your group. They said I was the new member of their cult.”

“Ah, yes. I remember,” he slowly nods his head. “Did you like him?”

“What?”

“Your boyfriend. Did you like him?”

I shrug my shoulders.

“But surely you like him if you’re getting upset about it?”

I bury my head in my knees.

“Have you eaten anything?” he asks. I shake my head. He sighs and brings a cupcake out of his jacket pocket. “Here,” he offers.

“I’m not hungry,” I mumble.

“I know you’re not, but you need to eat, or you’re going to pass out.”

“It’s yours,” I say defiantly.

“Fine then,” he rips it in half and takes a half for him. He forces the other half that’s covered in paper into my hand. “Eat it. Seriously, I hate my sister’s cooking. She puts too much sugar in.”

I gratefully nibble on the chocolate cupcake. It has chocolate chips all through, some of them are melted. After about five minutes of silence, Jake speaks again.

“What are you doing at lunch?”

I shrug my shoulders.

“I don’t want you doing anything that would worsen your health.”

I shrug my shoulders again.

“Will you come back here at lunch?”

I shrug.

“Are you going to wag again?”

I snap my head up to look at him. Tears form in my eyes.

“Yes, I will tell someone if you wag again. I don’t want you getting into trouble so I won’t tell anyone about this morning. Although I’m sure they’ll work it out from the roll.”

“I’ll say that I had a music lesson,” I shrug.

“Will your parents say that as well?” he asks. I shrug again.

“You’re not very talkative,” Jake comments.

“I like my quiet time,” I mumble.

“And here I am, rambling on about things that I’m sure are just making you more upset.”

I nod.

The bell goes off for the end of recess. Both Jake and I stand. He grabs my arm and turns me around to face him before I’m able to take a step.

“Promise me you’ll go to class,” he commands. “The best thing for you in your frame of mind is to put your head down and focus on your studies. Don’t let yourself drown in sorrow.”

I feebly nod my head. I half want to slap him for sounding like teachers and psychologists but I can’t. He’s actually trying to help me.

He lets go of my arm and turns away to go to his locker. I linger for a moment, watching him, before I walk to class.