Element of the Heart - A Lord of the Rings/Legolas Fanfiction

Chapter 29: The Battle Within

Estelwen stroked Emilia's hair. The child was still asleep, but she would not be if Estelwen decided to vocalize her dilemma. Legolas had asked her, no, almost begged her, to stay in the caves. The pleading had not been in his voice, but it was all too apparent in his eyes.

Estelwen firmed her jaw. I cannot do this. She was a fighter. It was in her blood and in her pride. How can Legolas expect me to stay out of this war? She stood up without causing the bed to creak, reached for her swords, and grasped their familiar hilts. How can I say no to these? Breathing out slowly, she placed the swords back down. How can I say no to him? She walked just outside the tent, not willing to leave Emilia alone for too long. The fresh air was not enough to settle her thoughts. She could hear Éowyn announcing Rohan's grave situation, all while trying to keep the people from falling into a terrified frenzy. She cannot do this alone. Sooner or later, she will feel as hopeless as they do.

There was a cry in the tent. Estelwen rushed inside to find Emilia clutching her doll. Her wide eyes were brimmed with tears. "Mamma..."

She remembers. Estelwen picked her up. The child sobbed. This time, it was not because she had lost her mother on a journey, but in life. Estelwen's head leaned back slightly as she looked at the tent ceiling.

"I am sorry," she whispered. She pulled back. Emilia was not crying anymore, but her eyes were wide. Estelwen recognized the shock. She is seeing her mother die...over and over again. She began to call Emilia's name, coaxing her out of the memory, begging the Valar that the child would not collapse from the horror and pain. Slowly, Emilia's eyes resumed focus on Estelwen's face. Estelwen could not smile. She could barely keep from crying. She stood up, holding Emilia close. "It will be alright. I shall not leave you."

With that promise, Estelwen helped Emilia pack toys for her doll to take into the mines. Seeing Legolas heading towards the tent, Estelwen turned to Emilia. "Stay in the tent. I will be right outside if you should need me."

She dropped the flap of the tent entrance after walking out. Legolas' brows were furrowed. He stood a bit to her side, not quite facing her. He avoided her gaze. "I should never have spoken to Aragorn."

Estelwen held her elbows and tilted her head to the side. "Why?"

"Because I have only made matters worse."

She shook her head. "If you were speaking the truth, then let Aragorn deal with his anger in his own way." Dismissing the rather petty matter, she stepped as if to return to the tent. She paused. This is not right. I am his friend! She turned back to him. "Legolas, why are you so upset?"

He did not answer. She walked up to him and listened, waiting.

"Because I cannot say your name without knowing that what I had told Aragorn was wrong."

"What?"

He opened his mouth, closed it, and looked to the side. "Your name has meaning. Galadriel did not give it to you lightly. And names, they do not only affect those who bear them."

"Legolas..." She did not know what to say. His words were not about her skill, but about her very being. She reverted her thoughts back to him.

Legolas pulled the ice arrow from his quiver. Even as he handed it to her, he did not look into her eyes. "Give this to Aragorn. He is more deserving than I am."

She lifted her head. Why is he acting like this? "It was a gift."

Legolas stared at the arrow. Whatever Estelwen may have thought, it was not just a gift made of an earthborn's skill and a wizard's magic. It was a tangible symbol of her trust. She had given such a rare object for him to use instead of herself. A slim hand closed his open hand over the arrow.