Where I'd Gone ⌲ River Phoenix ((COMPLETED))

Illusion

My muscles suddenly felt like jelly, just hearing him say those things about me made me swoon.

"Riv... You were at my audition?" I asked shakily, staring at the road with a straight face.

"Yeah. I snuck in, I was in New York filming, and I wanted to watch the hopefuls auditioning. I had no idea you were going to be there..."

"I'm pretty sure there's a law against breaking and enter-" he shut me up with a sudden kiss. It was no peck. It was passionate and lingering but I happened to be driving at the same time. Luckily we weren't on a freeway, so I just turned the wheel and parked on the side of the road.

I broke the kiss with an urgent thought. "You're dating Sue God damn-it!"

"We're not officially. We've just been going out to places with each other. Nothing else. Chris- I've loved you for the longest time," he explained with a coy smirk. He was evidently intoxicated, maybe with admiration for me, but his constant indecisiveness was just throwing me off altogether. At this point, I acknowledged the fact that he was indeed in love with me, which surprisingly, took me a while to actually take in.

His feelings for me seemingly came out of nowhere. Sure, I could've said my feelings were mutual what, like 4 years ago? But it's too late now, and River doesn't seem to understand that.

"What happened to 'I'm dating an absent-minded guy'?" I asked with my eyebrows raised, hoping he couldn't see through me and my endless thoughts.

"Chris... I still remember the feeling when I first started talking to you. You made me feel nirvana; bliss if you will. You were always there to catch me when I fell. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Oh no. Don't tell me he's going to propose at 21.

No. He went in for another kiss. This time with tongue and I submissively allowed him. This once was my dream, just us together... Him holding me like he did outside of his house in Madras after my mother had died; so long ago when there was nothing but our love.

But I didn't know what to do or how to tell him that my mind is going down another path. His hand graced my shoulder, bringing me in closer to him. It was pure bliss kissing him, allowing him to do whatever he wanted. But everything went downhill when his hand found itself at my thigh.

"Riv. I don't want to do it in your car in the middle of the road," I muttered sheepishly, as I played with the zippers on his big green raincoat. He shot his eyes up at mine and kissed my cheek. His kisses trailed down my neck, but again, I stopped him. "It's a great feeling and all, but it's nearly 3 am and I just want to go home."

"I understand. It is getting pretty late," he mumbled and moved his attention out to the window as if nothing happened. The whole drive was dead silent until about 1 minute to my house when River turned on the radio.

"Welcome to 106.7 classic rock. This next song is a new single by Eric Clapton, called Tears in Heaven. Supposedly it's been written after his late son, Tom. . ." I looked sharply at River with wide eyes.

Would you know my name?
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I tried to ignore Eric Clapton's voice, but River turned it up louder. What the hell? I thought. He knows how much Tom impacts me.

But when I turned to him, a single tear was trickling down his cheek. I had never seen him cry in my whole life. The closest I'd seen him was at the Renaissance fair after he poured mud on Kiefer's car. He wasn't shedding any tears like he was now, he was just despondent and tears were brewing but they weren't coming out. I didn't want to say anything to him, he looked like a priceless painting that if you had altered in any way, would've been completely different. I didn't want to confront him. He was too gentle...