Sand Man

Part Six

Chapter 29

When I open my eyes again, I see my teammates on either side of me, just as we'd been when we'd dove into the sand all together. They start swimming up but I just can't seem to make my limbs move.

It was her words and how easily I just let them douse my hopes from within. My burden to succeed feels totally replaced with an overwhelming apathy toward everything.

I somehow find the energy to move toward the surface but I just have a heavy feeling inside. When I finally manage to break through, I paddle slowly toward the steps without saying a word.

"He met Gloria." Zeke coughs out to his father, still trying to catch his breath from the swim.

"What did she say to you?" Bhagid asks me, reaching out both hands to mine.

I climb out onto the steps, pushing him out of my way as my wet pants splash water all across the floor.

His faded eyes look deep into mine, immediately sensing what had happened. But I look away.

"Don't let her words get inside you. That's what she does best, remember."

I stare at the water on the floor and try my best not to listen.

"Gloria and I were once very close." He continues, "We were Keepers together. But she hated the fact that the children couldn't remember us."

I glance to Zhun, who's already told me this story.

"Her inability to accept our life as it is, led her to misuse the sand. She'd find people that were hopeful and capable, and make them feel as if they were not and not worth the effort of even trying."

I know the feeling he's talking about, it's lingering inside me like a sickness I can't shake. But something about it also makes me feel kind of good. It's like an excuse to be invisible. An excuse to stop trying to find a light and just stay here in the darkness. It gives me a sort of excuse to just be bad.

"She broke too many rules and... he told her she could no longer be a Keeper."

"Who told her that?" I ask.

"The Sand Man did, Kurtis."

I swing my legs around so my feet dip back into the icy water and keep my eyes from his.

"So why don't you just kill her?" I ask, needing to know if what Zhun told me last night in the woods is true or if she was just using me like Gloria says.

"We," he pauses, "cannot."

I stare through the clear water at my shoes, still laced from the circus, and spotted with the blood of the man I killed.

Then I answer, "But someone can."

I watch his reflection in the water as he nods his head.

"But why me? Of every other loser out there, why did you pick me? Or am I not even the first one you've tricked into coming here and risking my life for you?" I yell, looking now to Zhun sitting huddled on the other side of the water. Her pink outfit is dirty and soaked; her headpiece is on the floor. She's barely the same girl that blew me a kiss on the high wire, and looking at her now makes me feel like she's been doing nothing but lead me on and put me in this awful position.

She doesn't try to answer so I yell at her, "TELL ME WHY IT HAD TO BE ME!"

"That's something you have to figure out for yourself, Kurtis." Bhagid says gently. "What makes us so special? That's the question we all want to know. Isn't it?" He asks.