Angel Of Darkness

19:Can't be

I pause and search for the most recent memory of him, "Searching, she's searching, she covers her mouth with her hand, you look so different. There's no warmth, no joking smile, the light that danced in your eyes is now gone. Pain, she feels so much pain and guilt. 'Oh god what I would do to have you back little brother, I miss you so much, I know that you fought, shit you fought so hard with everything that you had to make it to where we were. You survived through so much little man, I know how much you hated my calling you little or younger but to me you'll always be my little brother and no one can ever take your place. We made it out alive, we almost made it away too, I promise that she won't take another breath on my watch. I can finally take the revenge that you deserve, and take the life that she doesn't deserve. Rest easy Alex, you'll forever be missed by me. Be good where ever you ended up... I know that you didn't believe in all of the heaven and hell shit but I'd like to think that there's something after death, And while it might not be mansions made of clouds I'd like to think that it's nice, so keep your nose out of trouble. Also, put a good word in for me... If things keep going the way that they're going I may join you soon enough little brother.' Softly, she says softly and shuts your eyes and covers you back up before sneaking out. She wants to kill- she wants to kill the woman that killed you. I wanted to kill the woman who...

I stare at him for a moment longer before clutching my head and screaming, "NO! NO YOU'RE DEAD! THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! I KNOW I COULDN'T SAVE YOU! I'M SORRY ALEX!! WHY MUST YOU CONTINUE TO HAUNT ME? THEY LIED! HOLOGRAM! IT WAS A HOLOGRAM AND I WENT STRAIGHT THROUGH YOU!" I sob as he walks towards me with an out stretched hand, I move away as fast as I can from him and end up on the floor. "Please no..." I whimper only to feel him wrap me in a hug and pull me into his chest, I wrap my arms around his neck and sob into his chest as some of my sanity slowly returns to me. "I remember, It hurts little brother, it hurts so much."

"I know Ash, but I can't help you with this pain..." He says softly as he runs his hand through my hair gently speaking sweet nothings as I sob. I've never allowed my self to fall apart in front of him, but here I am shattered and broken yet he's fine with holding me together. After twenty minuets my sobs have finally wound down in to small hiccups.

"I'm sorry," I mumble into his chest and he smiles softly and stands up helping me stand as well. He smiles as he leads me out of the room.

"Everything's ok Ash, you're ok, and I'm ok. From here on out its going to be great, you gotta trust me alright?" He says carefully waiting quietly for my response, after a tense moment of silence I nod my head before he helps me stand up and leads me out of the room quietly. I watch as we walk past multiple agents on our way to the elevator in the hall way that I remember being hauntingly empty. The agents make sure to stay as far on the opposite wall as they can. I'm snapped out of my day dreaming when I collide with Alexs back because he's now stopped and waiting for the elevator. He laughs softly and I smile gently in return realizing that I'm actually a lot more tiered than I feel.

"Hey Little bro, why am I so tired?" I ask as we step into the elevator and the floors slowly rise and a small smile traces my lips at the thought of getting out of here.

"While you have been sleeping well, I doubt that you remember..." He pauses and clears his throat and I stare at him silently waiting for a response. "Nightmares, you were having some of the worst nightmares I've ever seen Ash. You would scream and beg for help, then you'd wake up in a cold sweat and try to fight anyone who came near you."

He falls silent and I step over to him and wrap him in a hug, "I'm sorry Alex. Never again, I promise that you'll never have to see that again, but how long was I- you know?" I ask as I pull away from him and as the elevator stops.

"A week in total, it was only today that you really started to snap out of it. We were worried that you might not come out of it at all and that you'd be stuck in this horrible loop of fear for the rest of your life." He says as he leads me through a few more hallways before leading me out the door to the roof and towards the quinjet.

"So I think that I can guess who we're staying with but do I want to make sure I'm right, so... Are we living with Mr.Stark in the Avengers tower?" I ask and he smiles and nods his head before climbing aboard with me hot on his tail. "So they aren't mad at me?" I ask with a small eye brow raise and he sits down on one of the seats picking his words carefully.

"Not really, they all saw you freaking out or during your night mare moments and I'm using their words here 'It's hard to hate someone once you see what they were running from and just how much pain they've been through, especially when they were so young when it started. I think she's more than forgiven and that she has a heart of gold somewhere in there.'" Alex says in a tone that mocks Captain America making me laugh but quickly stop when Black Widow and Hawkeye walk on and towards the front to poilot us home giving me a small smile as they pass by.

"Wait so that means that they've all seen me at one of my absolute worst moments." I say softly almost to my self but catch Alex nodding his head as he stands up and retrieves a blanket from one of the overhead compartments.

"Don't think about that now, here, just go to sleep now. I'll wake you up when we're landing, there's going to be a large dinner waiting for us when we get there by the way." Alex says as he wraps the blanket around me with a small smile.

"Yeah, but they saw me at one of my lowest moment, that make me feel so weird. I know they aren't strangers but still, its just- I don't know how to describe it. They probably think I'm some weird weakling." I say as I stare blankly ahead Ignoring the fact that we've taken off and are currently gaining altitude.

"No bodies going to judge you, we saw what war was going on inside your head. We understand that you can't be at one hundred percent all the time and that's fine, we've all been there at least once if not more. We know that its a sensitive thing that usually only a select few will ever see and that you didn't really have a choice in how and where you lost it because it was mostly our fault for pushing you over the edge." BlackWidow says from up from and I blush madly forgetting that they can hear me and might respond, after a moment of letting her words sink in I let out a heavy sigh and curl up in my seat.

"You're right, thank you Nat." I say loud enough for her to hear before letting my self sleep soundly for the first time in a week for a few hours knowing that I'm safe and that Alex is fine.