When the Blood Runs Thick

Mason and Jacob Learn Annie's Secret

I end up being right about everyone finding out I have gay parents. The whole day, all I heard about was how I had gay parents and how it somehow made me a disgrace. People would say that I'm going to Hell for having gay parents, while others said that my parents would go to Hell for being gay. So, basically, according to the kids at school, Jacob, Mason, and I are all going to Hell. Great, right?

So, when I get home, I tell Jacob and Mason about what all the kids at school said. They both laugh. Neither of them seem really affected by this. Maybe it's because they were told these things when they started dating. I wonder if that almost ended their relationship at all.

"Don't listen to them, Annie," Mason tells me. "They're just a bunch of jerks who want to hurt you. So don't let them get to you, okay?"

I nod. "Okay. But what if--"

"No 'what if's' okay?" Mason says, tousling my hair. "Just ignore them, or better yet, tell someone about the bullying that's going on."

I duck my head down, my chest feeling like it's being crushed by a hundred pound weight. "Okay, Mason."

That night in the shower, I take my blade and cut it across my stomach. Since the water makes my skin softer, it's easier to cut through. The blood runs down the drain. I take the blade and a few inches above my wrist, making sure to cut deep. I then take the bar of soap and run it over my cuts. It stings, making me wince. But I deserve the pain. I have no right to be here, to be alive, so why not give the kids at school what they want. If they want me to hurt, then I will make myself hurt. I know it's not what Mason and Jacob would want, but it's hard to break old habits. Besides, it's just sort of become an addiction for me. Maybe a little more love from Mason and Jacob will make me happier. Maybe.

When I finish showering, I grab a towel and press it to my stomach. I hold it in place with my wrists so that the cuts will stop bleeding. Once they stop, I finish drying off the rest of my body and dress in a pair of fuzzy pants and a t-shirt. I hop into bed and start picking at the fresh scabs on my arms. Bleed, damn it! I manage to get my nail under one of the scabs and rip it off. Right when I do so, Jacob walks in.

"What are you doing?" he asks, his voice filled with concern.

"Nothing," I say, hiding my arms under the covers.

Jacob walks over and rips my arms out from under the sheet. He sees the cuts on my arms and gives me this sad, disappointed look.

Jacob adjusts his grip on my arm, gently running his fingers over the cuts. "You're cutting yourself? Why?" He looks at me with an angered expression. "What the hell would make you think this is okay?"

I don't answer, too ashamed to talk to him. Jacob then calls for Mason to come up to my room. I give Jacob this desperate look, silently saying, "No. Don't bring Mason up here. Please..."

Mason walks into my room. "What is it?"

"Annie's been cutting herself," Jacob says angrily.

"What? Why?" Mason asks, walking over and sitting on the edge of my bed. "Annie, why would you do this?"

I shake my head. "I don't know. It just feels... right. It relieves some of my pain. Emotional pain, that is."

"Annie, if anything is wrong just talk to us about it," Jacob says. His voice has softened. "It'll make you feel better and you won't have to cut to feel some kind of relief."

"Okay. Thank you," I say. I know I won't actually end up telling them what's wrong. It's just more natural and right to cut my skin. It's just how I deal with pain.

So, that night, Mason and Jacob come and check on me periodically, afraid that they might find me cutting again. It's annoying for them to do so, but it's also really sweet. It helps me know that they actually care.