When the Blood Runs Thick

Annie's Final Decision

I wake up the next morning with no motivation to get up. What's the point if you just lost half of your family? I notice that the clock reads 9:37. Why didn't Jaco--Mason wake me up? I sigh and force myself out of bed. I go downstairs and see Mason sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the tv.

"I figured you shouldn't go to school today," Mason says, reading my mind. He looks over at me. "I mean, if you're as sad as I am, I wouldn't want to be going to school."

I nod and walk over, plopping down next to him. Mason pulls me close and I bury my head in his shoulder, tears starting to stream down my cheeks. My tears then soak into Mason's shirt. He puts his arm around me and starts to gently rub my shoulder.

"Everything will be okay, Annie," Mason says flatly.

I shake my head. "No, it won't."

Mason doesn't answer and it's probably because he knows that I'm right, that everything won't be okay. Jacob's gone and I'll never see him again. Mason will never see him again. Plus Jacob is the one who was helping pay for all the bills and stuff because he's the only one that makes good money because Mason is taking an online college to become a physical therapist. In other words, it'll be hard to pay bills and buy necessities now that Jacob's gone.

I crawl off the couch and start heading upstairs. Mason doesn't ask why. I gently close my bedroom door behind me, then locking it. On my desk lays a small wooden chest no bigger than a flip phone. I open the tiny latch, lifting the lid. Inside is a small cloth which I remove, revealing my razorblade. After Mason and Jacob found my digging the blade into my skin, they made me throw it away, but after they left I dug it out of the trash, rinsing it under the faucet for a few seconds. So, I pull the blade out of the box.

I walk over to the window and sit down in front of it. The view is still as beautiful as it was when I first arrived, maybe even more beautiful. But it has a sad feel to it now. When I was on my crutches, Jacob pulled me on to his back so that Mason, Jacob, and I could all go on a little walk together through the forest. I remember Jacob telling that it felt like I weighed thirty pounds.

I smile at the memory of Jacob. He deserved so much better than this. Mason says he should've died and not Jacob, well I say I should've died instead of Jacob. Mason deserves to live way more than I do.

*****

It's been a few weeks since Jacob's funeral and everything's still not the same. Everything is still has a depressing feel to it. Mason says he's getting over Jacob's death but I know that's a huge lie. If I'm not over it, how could he be? Even Niko understands what happened and hasn't been as playful as he usually is.

The days pass by slowly, every minute feeling like hours. The house is a lot quieter without Jacob's hilarious jokes and interesting stories from the hospital. The whole house feel empty.

"Annie?" Mason asks, leaning in the doorway of my bedroom.

"Yeah?" I say, only half paying attention.

"Listen, I've been thinking." He pauses and walks over, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I don't think I can care for you by myself. So I'm going to send you back to the orphanage. I'm sorry."

"What...?" I say, my heart shattering in a million little pieces. "But--"

"I know. And I'm sorry. It's just, without Jacob I haven't been thinking straight and I don't think I'll have the money to support you. I'm sorry."